Cosleeping - How Long Should Babies Sleep With Parents

How Long Should Babies Sleep With Parents? According to new research, babies should continue to sleep with their parents until they reach the age of three. I am sure there will be many who will jump at this and there will be a lot of arguments back and forth.

Sleep with baby, let baby cry it out, let baby sleep in cot, let baby sleep in the cot in another room, no soft toys and soft bedding for baby, don't let baby sleep on his back. Respond to baby, no don't respond to baby immediately.........

There is so much information and plenty of advise on what to do and what NOT to do. It can be daunting and scary for parents.

I feel how long a child should sleep with you is ultimately your personal choice. In fact, many parenting solutions and choices are up to you and your family. Whatever feels right for you and your family and your circumstances is right. You should not be pressured either way. Make your own decisions but arm yourself with knowledge before making those decisions.

Here are some latest news about cosleeping and baby sleep guidelines. However be warned, there is a lot of information out there. At the end of the day we must do what we feel is best for baby while keeping baby safe.

1. 1. Infant Sleep Safety - What Parents Need To Know
2. 2. Keep Babies Out Of Your Bed, Coroner Urges
3. 3. Crib Bumper Pads Cause Suffocation, Pediatricians Warn
4. 4. SIDS And Other Sleep-Related Infant Deaths: Expansion of Recommendations for a Safe Sleeping Environment

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Should my Newborn Sleep first and my Toddler later?

"Should my Newborn Sleep first and my Toddler later?"

This is a frequent question asked by mothers when they have a second child. Handling just one child during bedtime is a handful. Handling two is a balancing act. Sometimes you get it right, sometimes you don't.

Image links to: Sleep Sheep - Four Soothing Sounds From Nature

I've tried to address this question in my latest ezine article "Bedtime Routine for Newborn and Toddler".

Bedtime Routine for Newborn and Toddler

You can check it out or you can to the sleep category on this blog for more articles on baby and toddler sleep including your own sleep routine.

Whatever it is, the baby and toddler years are quick. So if you are struggling with lack of sleep, just tell yourself "this too shall past" and it really does.

Image links to: Sleep Sheep On The Go - Travel Sound Machine with Four Soothing Sounds

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How to get your baby to sleep through the night

How to get your baby to sleep through the night? Just grit yourself and say "this too shall pass" and read Adam Mansbach's Go the F**k to Sleep to prepare yourself for the sleepless years to come and have a good laugh. (P.S. It is not a guide book on how to get baby to sleep, it is a humourous look at parents who have tried for years to get their children to sleep during the early childhood years.)

One of the ways I used to get baby to sleep was through music. Music soothes not only baby but me too! I remember I used to go to one of those online songs for children sites. Whenever my firstborn could not sleep, I would pick her up and hold her over my shoulder, then I would play those free midis and sing or hum along as I did my work  blogged. It worked perfectly. Music calmed her down and me down as well.

Otherwise I would have been so worked up. The only problem I did not manage to resolve was how to let baby stay asleep. Quite often after she drifted off to sleep with my bad singing, I would put her gently down in the cot and there would be peace and silence for ..... 5 minutes. Then she would be up again. Thank goodness for the relaxing music even though it is just children's music.

Like I said, my only advice is to grit your teeth and tell yourself "this too shall pass" because they grow up so quickly. Now my kids are 7 and 9, I think if I try to sing, they'd say "Mummy, please, I'm trying to read." They have this habit to read every night and the first thing when they wake up and during mealtimes and waiting times and just about any time of the day.

You can visit my Squidoo lens for more Children's Songs to sing with your child. I have made a very nice list with previews and recommendations of online sites offering kids songs with lyrics, free midis, sheet music etc. Do check it out: Children Songs Lyrics and Music. You can sing with your child while they are awake and not only to get them to sleep.

Back to the subject on sleep, when all fails and you are ready to tear your hair out and it is the middle of the night and you can't get back to sleep, perhaps you'd like to have a good laugh and read Go the F**k to Sleep by Adam Mansbach. Please don't read it to your kid. It is an adult book with adult humour and swear words. It will probably make a great Father's Day gift. :)

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Minor Seizure or Nightmare

Another night incident.... on the 7th day of CNY.

I was woken up by a sound, the girl came to peer down at me from over the bed. I sleep on the floor. I asked her what was wrong but she did not answer me momentarily. She was drooling. I called out to daddy. He came immediately. He took her in his arms and she could speak to him then.

Yet again, we are not sure whether it was a minor seizure or a nightmare.

I read this article about Benign Rolandic Epilepsy and was worried about the similarities in what happened. However, based on my own knowledge and fears plus neurologist visits, perhaps I am looking for a needle in the haystack. Who knows?

All I can do is record it down, and continue to make sure she has little stress, enough rest and sleep and continue to pray for her safety and well being.

Making sure she has enough rest is a daily challenge with her school workload.

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They don't need me to help them sleep anymore

The babies they grow up so fast. They don't need me to help them fall asleep anymore though we still co-sleep. I have never believed in allowing my babies to cry themselves to sleep, just so they could learn to be independant of me and sleep in another room so that I can catch up with a few more hours of sleep at the time. I believe that they will outgrow their need for me and sooner rather than later, I will have my sleep back.

How quickly the time has passed. I remember we used to walk the babies up and down the room, sing softly to them or play music while rocking them to sleep. And no, they don't become super dependant and still need me to rock, pat or sing them to sleep. They've outgrown it. Time flies. Time really does.

They don't need me to sing, pat, rock and walk them to sleep them anymore but oh how I treasure those moments when I did, even though at the time I had very little sleep because of it. I believe my husband treasures those moments too. He always speaks of those early days with fondness. He did his fair share of walking up and down with the babies and believe it or not, the memory of it creates a sort of special bond for him and the child.

Theres this site that we loved. I remember when I had to work (or play) at the pc, I would put on the music and sing to the lyrics for my babies to fall asleep and when they fall into a deep slumber, I would lay them down and continue working on the pc. :) What lovely memories these are. Just listening to some of the music brings me back to those moments.

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Bedtime Routines

Before I became a mum I had no bedtime routine. I went to bed whenever I felt sleepy.

After I became a mum, I couldn't go to bed whenever I want, not even when I am sleepy!

I guess I became a mum the moment I became pregnant. Sleep was evasive then. I had bad morning sickness that lasted all day and all night. In the later stages of pregnancy, I had to get up several times a night to visit the toilet. It was also difficult to turn and lying in the same side position was tiring.

After the baby came along, I lost the concept of day and night. The days went by in a blur of feeds, milk expression and more feeds. There was no proper sleep routine as I had to feed baby every 2-3 hours.

It was only after the baby hit toddlerhood that some semblance of bedtime routines returned.

The kids are 4 and 6 now and our bedtime routine goes something like this....

• Milk & Supper
• Brush Teeth, Pee, Wash Up
• Change to pyjamas
• Get the beds ready and comfy
• Storytime or Chat time
• Lights off

The entire process takes about an hour. Sometimes I wish, I could just jump straight into bed without going through an entire hour getting everyone ready for bed. Oh and I mustn't forget the daddy too must I? Usually I make a hot drink for him and then give him a foot massage while he winds down by watching a show. That is if I still have the energy left over for him after the one hour getting the kids ready for bed. Poor daddy. Poor mommy.

How long is your bedtime routine mommies and daddies?

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Still Co-Sleeping

My kids are 6 and 4 and we're still co-sleeping. To ensure I still have a good nights sleep, I sleep on the floor so that they won't kick me left, right and center. Its amazing how they both turn around 360 degrees on the bed each night.

I think co-sleeping is something that I will be doing till the kids start asking for their own rooms. Its just the best bonding time for us.

Bedtime is the time where secrets get revealed and little fears get revealed. At no other time, accept bedtime, I will suddenly hear revelations and confessions like .....

"Mummy, the other day I did something naughty in school" (from the 6 year old)

"Mummy, will the teachers laugh at me if I carry a different bag (from the school given one) to school?" (from the 4 year old)

Its the best time for hugs and laughters as we all wind down for the day. After the lights are turned off, sometimes we continue chatting and its amazing, the things I hear from them. I guess, like adults, the kids do their thinking just before sleeping and sometimes they share their thoughts with me. The room would be all dark and quiet and all of a sudden I would hear a little voice talk about his/her fears or confessing to me that they had been naughty. Its the best time to give a pep talk or give a hug of comfort to keep away those fears.

We definitely share some best bonding moments ever during bedtime. Right from the time when they were young and breastfeeding till now that they are old enough to chat and share their thoughts with me. :)

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Choose your bedtime stories carefully

Last night we were reading Hansel and Gretel. The story was sad. The children's mother had died and the father remarried. The step mother then persuaded the father to get rid of the children by leaving them in the middle of the forest. At the end of the story the step mother had died and the children's father welcomed the children back into the home when they found their way home.

What kind of a father is that anyway!!!!!! After the story and the lights were off, my boy asked me "Mummy, what happens to you after you die?"

Uh Oh! Does that happen to you? There are many seemingly harmless fairytales and classics that just aren't all that suitable at bedtime.

My kids are often frightened by the wolf in Little Red Riding Hood and The Three Little Pigs or that awful troll in the Three Billy Goats Gruff.

Then theres the mother duck who rejects her baby just because he's The Ugly Duckling and there's Jack who went to steal things from the Giant in Jack and The Beanstalk. I'm not sure these are values I want to teach my children ie stealing and rejecting someone because of their looks.

Next time I should really choose the bedtime stories carefully before I read them to the kids! Lol.

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Moms don't sleep

Moms don't sleep! I read this in an article from Reader's Digest Online's Parenting Channel http://www.rd.com/children-parenting/ and I totally agree. If you are a mom reading this, you would agree too, I am sure.

The article entitled Help for Sleepless Moms reveals that in a totally unscientific poll of mothers taken recently, no mother sleeps until her kids are grown and out of the house. Wow! That would mean that I have many more sleepless nights ahead of me. Help! I certainly need help.

I started not sleeping well the moment I was pregnant being heavy, having to get up to pee every hour, having to sleep on one side and difficulty turning, worries, etc etc etc. Then when baby came along it was worse. Difficulty breastfeeding kept me up all night and all day long pumping and trying to latch baby. It was crazy.

Now that they are older I have to keep them entertain and wait for them to sleep before I do. Sometimes they wake up in the middle of the night and look for me. This is especially so when they are sick. When they are sick then I am in a standby mode, ever ready to wake up at the slightest sound.

Now this sleep article is telling me that I won't be getting good sleep till the kids are adults and leave the house! Fortunately, it does suggest some strategies or 8 sleep secrets for mothers. Unfortunately I fail in most of them. Lol! I think a revision of my sleep strategies is in order.

A great article. You can find this and many more articles at http://www.rd.com/children-parenting/.

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How to get some real sleep when you co-sleep

We co-sleep with the kids. This is a problem when we need some real sleep. Now, we've got a way to fix the problem. We have a little adjoining room where hubby uses to get some work done. So when we need some real sleep we would separate the kids.

When they are together they have so much to chat about, they don't want to sleep. So we separate them. The boy may stay with me, the girl goes with her dad or I would sleep in the study on days that we want some real sleep.

We sometimes do this sleep arrangement during naptimes in the weekends but most days we still co-sleep. I love to co-sleep with the kids. Its the best time of the day to unwind together and chat or read with them. Its the best time of the day to bond with them.

How does anyone else get some real sleep when they co-sleep? Care to share?

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How to avoid the early morning rush?

Before my daughter started kindergarden, we used to go to bed around 11pm-12am and wake up around 9-10am. Yes, its terrible hours I know but it worked for us. I have always believed that with parenting anything that works for your family and situation is fine so I won't get uptight or stressed up if I'm not doing whats considered the norm in Parenting books or other parent's eyes.

The children get to play with their daddy a bit after he comes back from work. Hubby would like them to have an earlier bedtime but its my fault really. I'm the night bird so they follow my style. I'm the one who usually puts them to bed so they go to bed only when I've done all my chores and is well and ready to settle down for the night.

However when my girl started kindy, I had to make her wake up at 7.30am so we had to do a bit of adjusting.

How are we doing so far? We are fine. The kids don't complain in the mornings. (It helps that she enjoys kindergarden). They have an earlier afternoon nap and they still go to bed at 11pm!

How do we avoid the early morning rush? Well, mummy has to wake up earlier than everyone else of course. So in the mornings, I wake up and get myself ready, then I wake the girl up and get her ready, then I wake the boy up and get him ready, then we all have breakfast and leave the house. There is no rush and no tears but mummy has to sacrifice her sleep. Thats how we avoid the early morning rush.

This post is continued from the following:

Changing the kids bedtime (Part I) and
My kids' naptimes at age 3 and 5 (Part II)
Waking up early is fun
New bedtime routine update

Related post:

Staggered bedtimes or sleep at the same time?

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New bedtime routine update

We're waking up earlier and earlier now. However the bedtime remains late but the naptimes are sometimes earlier or sometimes skipped altogether to make them go to bed earlier and yet they still go to bed late!

So we're basically doing fine in the waking up routine but going to bed early needs to be worked on further. I've managed to convince them that waking up early is fun. Now its time to convince them that going to bed is fun. Hahaha.

Actually, I've told them that going to bed early will make sure that they have enough energy to wake up the next day to do all the fun things that we are planning to do and they agreed. So whats the fun things we have planned today?

Well, we've got a singing session, a balloon sculturing session, we plan to do some drawing too etc etc. They will also be helping me with the cooking and the laundry. Phew! Its going to be a long day. Hopefully, that will tire them out before me. Hahaha.

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Waking up early is fun

Thats what I have been telling the kids or rather my daughter whom I am trying to train to get up earlier to attend kindy next year. Here's my strategy. First I discuss with her the fact that she will need to get up early to attend kindergarden next year. Then I tell her that waking up early is fun because it means that we have more time to do fun things. Then I have to follow through..... ie by making her day fun filled. I also tell her that if she wakes up early, she can get to see daddy and say bye bye to him before he leaves for work.

So far, its working out well. The kids don't complain when I wake them up earlier. They are happy to wake up earlier. The only person who is not so happy is me. Hahaha. As I lose my sleep and my personal me time.

When I wake them, I put on nice music videos which they love and that wakes them up with a smile. They watch the videos for a while as I buzz around making up the room and preparing breakfast. Then its time for some crafts or games or lessons (they are always bugging me to give them lessons which they love) so lessons it is and before we know it, its time for lunch, bath and nap. As I've said, I have to follow through, because the moment they think that its not fun to wake up early, then I will have groucy sleepy heads. At the moment they think its fun so I have happy smiley kids. Hopefully, we can keep this up next year.

This post is continued from

Changing the kids bedtime (Part I) and
My kids' naptimes at age 3 and 5 (Part II)

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My kids' naptimes at age 3 and 5

Changing the kids' bedtime and waking hours will affect their naptimes too. At the moment they have one nap. This nap is rather late. Sometimes it can be as late as 6-7pm. They would nap for 1-2 hours. That explains the late sleeping hours doesn't it? But as I've said, this suits my arrangement for now.

The older girl who is 5 sometimes skips her naps and I will nap with the 3 year old. For health reasons, I need my afternoon nap as I can't allow myself to go into a sleep debt (meaning I need to have enough sleep or risk a seizure). My 3 year old still needs his afternoon nap so when we nap, I will tell the girl to sit in bed and read her book quietly.

Once, I start changing their bedtimes, their naptimes will be affected. Hmm.... I guess I'll just go ahead and do the change and see what happens than slowly adjust our routines from there. So how am I doing on the first day of our change? I'm letting the kids sleep in again, just so I can have more ME time. HELP! I really need help to change. Change starts with me!!!!

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Changing the kids bedtimes - A challenge

I have a new challenge - to change the kids bedtimes to prepare ahead for next year when I send my girl to kindy. At the moment they go to bed very late, at around 11-12pm and they wake up very late too, at around 10-11pm.

This arrangement works out fine with me because I go to bed late as well so I can play with them, read them stories and we all unwind together. This way they also get to play with their daddy a little in the evenings instead of going straight to bed when he comes back from work. In the mornings, I am relieved to be able to get a little time to myself when they wake up late because once they wake up, my day is constantly interrupted so I treasure this little time I have to myself.

However, since kindy starts around 8.45am, this arrangement obviously cannot continue. So how do I get them to wake up 3-4 hours earlier. Naturally by sending them to bed earlier as well. How I do this? By changing their bed and waking times 15-30 minutes earlier each day/week. That'll mean my bedtime and other daily routines have to change too.

This is a big challenge to me. I've been wanting to do this for some time now but I keep putting it off. I've really got to start doing it and thats the reason for this post. To put down in writing helps my resolve. I will do it... tomorrow.... maybe tomorrow... Hehe. Wish me luck please? And if you have any tips, please share with me. Thanks.

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