Friday, August 21, 2009

Going Against the Norm

It isn't easy to be a mother going against the norm....... whatever the "norm" may be.

For example, I sent my kid to preschool at the very "late" age of 6 for my elder and 5 for the younger. They have never attended any playschool, playgroup or nursery before that. That is against the "norm" these days. I had a lot of flak about it.

Even strangers would come up to me and exclaim "You mean she/he hasn't attended kindy?!!!Isn't that a bit late?!!" I thought I would get these kinds of remarks from the new generation mainly but I was surprised when even grandparents whom I didn't know exclaimed in horror when they learned that my kid was still at home with me at the grand old age of 6. ;)

"My grandchild is already in kindergarten. You should be sending your child by now!" they exclaimed horrified.

Normally I just smile when I hear this and I try not to let it bother me, although I must admit that sometimes a tinge of doubt would creep in as I question myself "Am I doing the right thing?"

On the other end of the scale, if you're the sort of mother who sends her child very early to preschool and later on to lots and lots of activities. You may receive a different kind of flak too. People might say "She is so kiasu. She will burn out her kid with so many activities. Kids need time to play and run around, not be driven from one activity to another activity."

To all the mothers who are facing these kinds of pressures or uncalled for remarks from others, be it from family members or friends who are "only trying to help", my advise is to let those unnecessary comments go in one ear and out the other. Try not to let it bother you too much. Be confident that what you are doing is right for you and your child. No one knows it better than you. Your child may thrive from all those activities while another may be stressed out. Some children thrive in preschool, others do not. They may cry it out for months.

Every child and every mother is different. So listen to yourself and listen to your heart and take all the other advises with a pinch of salt, including those that come from renowned parenting gurus and parenting books and articles. Most importantly, listen to your child. And by that I don't mean listen verbally alone. Watch out for any signs of stress or unhappiness in his or her behaviour.

Enjoy your own mothering times and moments. Don't be stressed out by comments from others on how you are doing as a mother. I have always believed that in Parenting it is "To Each His Own" meaning there is no right and wrong in Parenting. You need to find your own equilibirium and what feels right for you, your child and your family unit as a whole.

I shall not be blogging for 10 days to spend some time with my children during their school holidays. Be back soon!

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Wednesday, August 19, 2009

When you were a baby

One of the things the kids love a lot is to hear about the time when they were a baby or little. They love to look at their baby photos and listen to what it was like when they were a baby.

We'd tell them that we used to cuddle them and walk them to sleep and we'd sing the same songs that we used to sing them to sleep.

They really love it. We love it too. We love thinking back about the time when they were small. And they love to hear us talk about it.

I can't believe how fast time flies. Now its 7 years. 7 years since we had our first baby. And there are plenty of wonderful, beautiful memories that we carry with us now.

I hope that we get to make many more wonderful, beautiful memories as they grow. And I wish the same for all parents, new and old. :)

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Tuesday, August 18, 2009

Appreciation for all mothers with a special needs child

I would like to express an appreciation for all mothers with a special needs child. I would like to say a special prayer for them.

I do not have a special needs child but I do have a small taste of how it could be like and it is really not easy.

My girl has had two night incidents which the doctor's suspect as epileptic fits. This makes me extra worried about her. When you are extra worried about a child, this changes the dynamics of your family. You have to be careful not to be overly protective of that child whilst striving to be fair to your other children. That is a tough task. Even trying to be fair under normal circumstances is tough what more when it is a special situation.

Recently, when I went to see my aunt, perhaps due to lack of sleep (because she missed her afternoon nap), or perhaps due to her excitement and anxiety or probably due to all these reasons, she complained about feeling the unreal feeling again, feeling as if she is in a dream. This sort of feelings could be just generalized anxiety or it could be partial seizures. It is not very easy to diagnose.

The neurologist had said that he thought he saw "something there" when looking at her eeg results but that was all he could tell us. He had ordered a MRI but it was unsuccessful. The hospital has not called us again for another date for the MRI and we have decided not to pursue it at this point of time.

However, we must make sure that we take extra care to make sure that she gets enough sleep, no stress and try to make sure that she does not get sick from fevers etc as all these are seizure triggers. All this is very stressful and then there are those who do not know why I worry about fevers etc for my child who go about making senseless comments on my blog. Sigh. Thats one of the things about blogging. People who do not know you or the entire story feels compelled to make strong opinions about your one single blog post. Oh well..... thats the least of my worries.

My worries are for my girl alone. Every day I pray that she will not have another seizure again EVER in her life. And today, I'd like to add all other mothers with a special needs child in my prayer.

I remember when we were waiting to do the MRI, there was a mother sitting on one of the chairs quietly. Later I saw, her child being wheeled out pass us. It was just a baby and she had tubes all over her. I would like to include that mother and that child in my prayer today.

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