Stressed out SAHM

I am tired.

• I am tired of being questioned
• I am tired of "suggestions"
• I am tired of being thought of as "always complaining"
• I am tired of this statement "you don't know how lucky you are, yet you are always complaining"
• I am tired of other people trying to get me to do things their way
• I am tired of being thought of as lazy or doing things the wrong way
• I am tired of rushing all the time
• I am tired of being rushed all the time
• I am tired of being threatened when I voice out my unhappiness
• I am tired of not having any emotional support
• I am tired of being on my toes all the time
• I am tired of not doing things "right" whichever way I do it
• I am tired of not being able to please people whichever way I do it
• I am tired of having my self confidence eroded slowly but surely

Because I know....

• I am doing the very best that I can under the circumstances
• I am rushing as best that I can
• Voicing out unhappiness is not a complaint
• Taking time out for myself is not being lazy
• Taking care of myself is not being selfish
• At times putting myself first before the children is not wrong when I put them first 99% of the time
• Trying to slow down is not wasting time
• I know that I am already rushing and I don't need constant reminders to hurry up
• My way may not always be right but it is not entirely wrong either
• I need to be able to do things my "wrong" way and be appreciated for it instead of being criticised
• I need to be self confident in order to raise self confident children. I do not need to be put down frequently till my confidence is slowly eroded
• I know I am doing a good job even if others don't think so

Oh, I could go on and on but who will listen? No one will. They only think I am complaining. Nevermind, I shall be my own pity party and then I will pick myself up and carry on as usual with or without appreciation or thanks.

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What is your primary love language?

Some years ago I read Dr.Gary Chapman's "The Five Love Languages". It is based on the very simple idea that we all speak different love languages. So if you or your spouse or child speak different love languages, you will not understand each other or feel loved. To make your spouse or child feel loved, you have to first know and understand his or her love language.

It is like speaking Chinese and French for example. If you speak Chinese and your spouse or child speaks French, you will not understand each other or feel loved.

In Dr. Chapman's book, the Five Love Languages are:

1. Words of Affirmation
2. Quality Time
3. Receiving Gifts
4. Acts of Service
5. Physical Touch

If you really sit down and think about it, you will realise that your spouse or child speak the "loudest" in any one or two of the listed love languages above. "Talk" to them in their love language and the will feel loved. Speak their love language in order to convey love to them. So if your spouse speaks French, you have to learn French in order for him to understand you. If you speak Chinese, which is your love language, he will not understand you or feel loved.

Very simple isn't it?

So do you know what is your love language? Try this quiz to find out. :) Love Languages Test.

My Love Language is Physical Touch (1) and Words of Affirmation (2). I think my spouse's love language is Quality Time (1) and Acts of Service (2). He likes it when I spend time with him or do things for him. My son has the same love language as me whereas my daughter speaks the same love language as her dad.

My husband's and daughter's love languages which are different from mine is obvious to me but it is not that easy for me to speak to them in their language. I think I have to practise and practise and practise and make a concious mental note to speak in their language because it is not my primary language so it is more alien to me. Whereas for my son, it is very easy. All I have to do, is give him a big big hug and tell him how much I love him and he will glow and return the same to me because we speak the same language.

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Martyrdom and Motherhood

"To be self-interested is not being selfish."

Being a SAHM puts me in danger of turning into a martyr mom. What is that? It is a mom who sacrifices her all, her whole being for the sake of her children.

It is so easy to turn into one when you are a SAHM, being 24/7 with the children. The husband does not help either, with his numerous "suggestions"... "Dear, I think you should do.. blah, blah, blah, about this child/that child and his problem/her problem."

Being a martry mom does not make you a good mom. It turns you into one tired, whiny mom. No one can be a martyr continuously day in day out. One day, you'll want out... BIG TIME! One day the bubble will burst!

Not taking care of yourself will wear you out and when you are worn out, your children and spouse, the very people who have turned you into that martyr will suffer for it.

It is okay to be a temporary martyr when the situation calls for it, when your baby is a newborn, when a child is ill but a good mother must always remember to take care of herself.

Taking care of yourself first before you take care of others does not make you a selfish mother. Loving yourself first will give you more energy to care for and love your little ones and not so little ones.

Hmm... so how shall I take care of myself today? I think I will go and sweat it out to some exercises, then I shall listen to some relaxing music before I have a good shower and hair wash. After which I shall style my hair a bit and apply some make-up, take a good book from the shelf to read, have a quiet peaceful lunch .... before returning to my job as a mother.

I haven't had the chance to do this in a while, which is why I said I was in danger of turning into a martyr, a fretty, tired, complaining, all stressed out martyr that is.

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Home Tutor or Group Tuition?

My girl has been complaining about the group tuition she is attending at school. This year we decided to let her attend the after school group tuition being offered by her school. I am monitoring the classes as well as my girl closely. Any sign that she is too tired or if I feel that the group tuition does not give enough value added lessons, then I will pull her out.

The after school tuition classes are tiring. The kids come out at 1.35pm. They can have a short lunch and tuition classes resume at 2.00pm and end at 4.00pm. By the time they come home they are usually so tired. I can see rings under their eyes and they are ready to drop off to bed. Unfortunately, they are unable to rest. There is more rush.

Usually, the kids have to eat tea in the car and as soon as they are home they are rushed off to have a bath. After that it is a rush to complete school work and to pack their bags for the next day. By the time they are done it is dinner time. Right after dinner, they get ready for bed and go to sleep and then it is another day.

I haven't decided whether to let her have home tuition by a home tutor instead, such as the one being offered by Studypoint. At least with a home tutor, there will be less rushing around for meals and it is at the comfort of our own home.

At the moment, the kids are given an extra workbook to do during tuition. I can's see much value added in that accept more work. I was thinking that perhaps with a home tutor, they can have homework help if required to ease their burden instead of add to it.

Anyway, these are just things running through my head at the moment. So far, she has only attended a couple of lessons because she was sick and missed a few classes so I can't make a decision based on so little information. I haven't decided yet either way. I may just stop the tuition altogether so we can all have more rest.

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Tired Mother

I am tired. I have a sore throat. My neck hurts a little. My hair itches but I had no time to wash it. There were days I could not breath. I am worried about blood tests, about seizures. I have no appetite. I am drained. I have no energy. My sleep is interrupted.

Yet, I have to sponge forheads and bodies. I have to smile and sooth and say it is ok. I have to carry them though they are heavy now. I have to feed medicine to reluctant mouths and sometimes watch the medicine spew right out afterwards. I have to deal with doctors and teachers. I have to teach at home.

I am tired. I am stressed. I have no peace. Things are really not as bad as it seems. They are getting better. Things could be much much worse. This too shall past. Yet, there is no peace in my heart. Only worry and fear and frustration and restlessness. I am tired.

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