Last night my husband received an sms from his good friend who had just become a father to a baby girl. His friend sent a photo along with his sms. I can't stop marvelling at new technology and the way we connect these days. Looking at the baby's picture made me smile.
When we became new parents
It reminded us both of the time when we first became new parents around 9 years ago. My goodness! Has it been that long? It seems like just yesterday. We were really blur parents then. We didn't have any help so we did everything ourselves with a little help from the Internet. We would look up the Internet to find out what colour baby's poo should be, whether green, yellow or mustard and how often baby should pee or poo etc.
We received a lot of advice from friends and well meaning relatives but that only made us more confused. However, I must say that one very very important advice that most people forget is "choosing a good pediatrician". One should do this even before baby is born not after. After baby is born you will be very busy with many things. You won't have time to find a good Pediatric Hospital then.
The first time....
I remember we went to see the pediatrician that was recommended by my gynaecologist at the same hospital because we didn't know any other. It was convenient but I did not like the pediatrician at all. He treated my baby like a slab of meat.
Furthermore, being very blur new parents, we took baby there in just short sleeved clothing and a diaper. We had to wait for hours in that cold waiting room to see the doctor. We looked around at other babies all wrapped up in their warm blankets with mittens and booties and warm woolen hats and laughed at ourselves when we looked at our poor cold baby. I will never forget that first time we took baby out to the pediatrician. That was also the last time we saw that particular pediatrician.
A good pediatrician at last
Eventually, we found a very good pediatrician recommended by friends. She is wonderful and our kids still see her till today. Since Pediatric Health Care is so important (you will be seeing the pediatrician almost every month during the early months), it is important that you find a good one even before your baby is born. This is what I always tell my pregnant friends these days. I think that is the one most useful advise I can give them.
Tuesday, March 22, 2011
Friday, March 11, 2011
I can't remember how long I have been a SAHM (Stay at Home Mom) or Housewife or whatever you want to call it. It is just a term. Its been so long that I can't remember. I have to count backwards. My kids are 9 and 7 now. I started blogging when the firstborn was 2 years old and before the 2nd one came along. I "stopped working" some time before that. However, I was on flexi time from the time I was pregnant with the first one if I remember correctly. I was a remisier who only went to the office for half days and sometimes only on alternate days. :P
So how long have I been a SAHM? I guess it is somewhere between 8 to 10 years! Wow! Has it been that long? So, have I rotted? Missed adult company? Grown inward? Become insecure? And nagging all the time? Become sloppy in dress and appearance? Lost self confidence? Have I become frumpy and grumpy? And everything else that a housewife is supposed to be?
Well.... maybe just a little of everything but hardly enough to be concerned about. Because I've continued to grow as a person and I am learning all the time. Thanks to my children and my blogs oh and not forgetting my blogging kakis (buddies) as well. :)
Anyway, to that person who asked, I wrote the following straight from my heart.
I guess you have to ask yourself what YOU really want. I guess what your husband wants may have to enter the equation too. Its no use staying home if your heart is not really in it. You will only feel that you are making a huge sacrifice and come to resent it and feel lonely and stuck at home and that can't be good for your baby. On the other hand if what you want is to stay home but circumstances force you to work, you will be equally unhappy. Your heart will always be home wanting to be with your baby while you are forced to be at work. Thats tough.
For me, it was very easy. I have always known that it was what I wanted. I am also lucky that my husband supported this decision. Since it is so clear cut for me, I have no regrets whatsoever. I am very happy. :) I had always thought that when the children are babies, they would need me more and one becomes freer later on but it is not true. Even as they grow up, you can never be there enough for them.
However, I do notice that my children are somewhat less independant than those who have been thrown on their own to take school buses, go to daycares, etc etc. Those children are more independant. That is the only "downside" I see.
I don't know what is your circumstances, only YOU have the answer but hopefully this helps some?
And to anyone else who may be wondering, whether you will be happy as a SAHM (Stay at Home Mom) or WAHM (Work at Home Mom) or FTWM (Full Time Working Mom), the answer lies in YOU. There is nothing wrong in any of the choices. Your children won't suffer from it and neither will you as long as it is what YOU feel most happy and comfortable with. Being at peace with your decisions helps you to overcome the problems and stresses that come with your choices, whether it is office pressure or going bonkers from seeing the kids 24/7. Hopefully, you are free to make your own choices with no pressure from others or financially. And remember, even if you have made your choice and you find that it is not the right choice, it is never too late to change your mind at any point along your way. Hard though it may seem, nothing is impossible if your heart and mind is in it.
Happy weekend to all mothers whether SAHM, WAHM or FTWM. :) Pin It
Wednesday, March 09, 2011
I came across this parenting quote today. I find it very true and accurate.
I think most of us are good at cultivating the roots. It is the "wings" part that is hard. You have to teach your children to believe in themselves, then give them the freedom to reach for the sky. That is really not easy at all. You have to learn to let go even while you are nurturing the roots.
You have to let go at the gates of the kindergarten so you won't have a clingy kid and similarly you have to learn to let go at every stage of their life, toddler, preschool, teen and not only in adulthood.
One funny unrelated story to share. My nephew went and got himself a lip ring as soon as he was "released from the clutches of home" to study and live on his own for the very first time. My sister and I had a good laugh about that as the first sign of freedom and we both agreed that there will be more signs at the first taste of freedom the tighter your hold on your child. Pin It
Monday, March 07, 2011
I am tired.
- I am tired of being questioned
- I am tired of "suggestions"
- I am tired of being thought of as "always complaining"
- I am tired of this statement "you don't know how lucky you are, yet you are always complaining"
- I am tired of other people trying to get me to do things their way
- I am tired of being thought of as lazy or doing things the wrong way
- I am tired of rushing all the time
- I am tired of being rushed all the time
- I am tired of being threatened when I voice out my unhappiness
- I am tired of not having any emotional support
- I am tired of being on my toes all the time
- I am tired of not doing things "right" whichever way I do it
- I am tired of not being able to please people whichever way I do it
- I am tired of having my self confidence eroded slowly but surely
- I am doing the very best that I can under the circumstances
- I am rushing as best that I can
- Voicing out unhappiness is not a complaint
- Taking time out for myself is not being lazy
- Taking care of myself is not being selfish
- At times putting myself first before the children is not wrong when I put them first 99% of the time
- Trying to slow down is not wasting time
- I know that I am already rushing and I don't need constant reminders to hurry up
- My way may not always be right but it is not entirely wrong either
- I need to be able to do things my "wrong" way and be appreciated for it instead of being criticised
- I need to be self confident in order to raise self confident children. I do not need to be put down frequently till my confidence is slowly eroded
- I know I am doing a good job even if others don't think so
Thursday, March 03, 2011
Some years ago I read Dr.Gary Chapman's "The Five Love Languages". It is based on the very simple idea that we all speak different love languages. So if you or your spouse or child speak different love languages, you will not understand each other or feel loved. To make your spouse or child feel loved, you have to first know and understand his or her love language.
It is like speaking Chinese and French for example. If you speak Chinese and your spouse or child speaks French, you will not understand each other or feel loved.
In Dr. Chapman's book, the Five Love Languages are:
1. Words of Affirmation
2. Quality Time
3. Receiving Gifts
4. Acts of Service
5. Physical Touch
If you really sit down and think about it, you will realise that your spouse or child speak the "loudest" in any one or two of the listed love languages above. "Talk" to them in their love language and the will feel loved. Speak their love language in order to convey love to them. So if your spouse speaks French, you have to learn French in order for him to understand you. If you speak Chinese, which is your love language, he will not understand you or feel loved.
Very simple isn't it?
So do you know what is your love language? Try this quiz to find out. :) Love Languages Test.
My Love Language is Physical Touch (1) and Words of Affirmation (2). I think my spouse's love language is Quality Time (1) and Acts of Service (2). He likes it when I spend time with him or do things for him. My son has the same love language as me whereas my daughter speaks the same love language as her dad.
My husband's and daughter's love languages which are different from mine is obvious to me but it is not that easy for me to speak to them in their language. I think I have to practise and practise and practise and make a concious mental note to speak in their language because it is not my primary language so it is more alien to me. Whereas for my son, it is very easy. All I have to do, is give him a big big hug and tell him how much I love him and he will glow and return the same to me because we speak the same language.
Wednesday, March 02, 2011
Being a SAHM puts me in danger of turning into a martyr mom. What is that? It is a mom who sacrifices her all, her whole being for the sake of her children.
It is so easy to turn into one when you are a SAHM, being 24/7 with the children. The husband does not help either, with his numerous "suggestions"... "Dear, I think you should do.. blah, blah, blah, about this child/that child and his problem/her problem."
Being a martry mom does not make you a good mom. It turns you into one tired, whiny mom. No one can be a martyr continuously day in day out. One day, you'll want out... BIG TIME! One day the bubble will burst!
Not taking care of yourself will wear you out and when you are worn out, your children and spouse, the very people who have turned you into that martyr will suffer for it.
It is okay to be a temporary martyr when the situation calls for it, when your baby is a newborn, when a child is ill but a good mother must always remember to take care of herself.
Taking care of yourself first before you take care of others does not make you a selfish mother. Loving yourself first will give you more energy to care for and love your little ones and not so little ones.
Hmm... so how shall I take care of myself today? I think I will go and sweat it out to some exercises, then I shall listen to some relaxing music before I have a good shower and hair wash. After which I shall style my hair a bit and apply some make-up, take a good book from the shelf to read, have a quiet peaceful lunch .... before returning to my job as a mother.
I haven't had the chance to do this in a while, which is why I said I was in danger of turning into a martyr, a fretty, tired, complaining, all stressed out martyr that is. Pin It