Friday, March 11, 2011

How long have I been a SAHM?

Which move shall I make? SAHM, WAHM or FTWM?

Once someone wrote to me to ask me whether I have regretted being a SAHM because she is at the crossroads of  her life and not sure whether to take that big step into HOUSEWIFELAND.

I can't remember how long I have been a SAHM (Stay at Home Mom) or Housewife or whatever you want to call it. It is just a term. Its been so long that I can't remember. I have to count backwards. My kids are 9 and 7 now. I started blogging when the firstborn was 2 years old and before the 2nd one came along. I "stopped working" some time before that. However, I was on flexi time from the time I was pregnant with the first one if I remember correctly. I was a remisier who only went to the office for half days and sometimes only on alternate days. :P

So how long have I been a SAHM? I guess it is somewhere between 8 to 10 years! Wow! Has it been that long? So, have I rotted? Missed adult company? Grown inward? Become insecure? And nagging all the time? Become sloppy in dress and appearance? Lost self confidence? Have I become frumpy and grumpy? And everything else that a housewife is supposed to be?

Well.... maybe just a little of everything but hardly enough to be concerned about. Because I've continued to grow as a person and I am learning all the time. Thanks to my children and my blogs oh and not forgetting my blogging kakis (buddies) as well. :)

Anyway, to that person who asked, I wrote the following straight from my heart.

I guess you have to ask yourself what YOU really want. I guess what your husband wants may have to enter the equation too. Its no use staying home if your heart is not really in it. You will only feel that you are making a huge sacrifice and come to resent it and feel lonely and stuck at home and that can't be good for your baby. On the other hand if what you want is to stay home but circumstances force you to work, you will be equally unhappy. Your heart will always be home wanting to be with your baby while you are forced to be at work. Thats tough.

For me, it was very easy. I have always known that it was what I wanted. I am also lucky that my husband supported this decision. Since it is so clear cut for me, I have no regrets whatsoever. I am very happy. :) I had always thought that when the children are babies, they would need me more and one becomes freer later on but it is not true. Even as they grow up, you can never be there enough for them.

However, I do notice that my children are somewhat less independant than those who have been thrown on their own to take school buses, go to daycares, etc etc. Those children are more independant. That is the only "downside" I see.

I don't know what is your circumstances, only YOU have the answer but hopefully this helps some?

And to anyone else who may be wondering, whether you will be happy as a SAHM (Stay at Home Mom) or WAHM (Work at Home Mom) or FTWM (Full Time Working Mom), the answer lies in YOU. There is nothing wrong in any of the choices. Your children won't suffer from it and neither will you as long as it is what YOU feel most happy and comfortable with. Being at peace with your decisions helps you to overcome the problems and stresses that come with your choices, whether it is office pressure or going bonkers from seeing the kids 24/7. Hopefully, you are free to make your own choices with no pressure from others or financially. And remember, even if you have made your choice and you find that it is not the right choice, it is never too late to change your mind at any point along your way. Hard though it may seem, nothing is impossible if your heart and mind is in it.

Happy weekend to all mothers whether SAHM, WAHM or FTWM. :)

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  1. This post comes so timely, MG. I have been into some soul searching lately thinking of what I shall do etc. I love being SAHM, I have no regret on that, but I have also known from the very beginning that I will never be a SAHM forever, just that I don't know when I will shed the SAHM title. With so many babies coming along throughout the years, the action of going back to work had been delayed.

    Lately I am feeling a little down. Feeling that I have not done enough for my children. (I am comparing myself with all the SAHM that is so committed in homeschooling as well as comparing myself with WAHM moms whose online business are blooming) I can't help to feel envious. I feel that I have nothing, accomplish nothing (although many praise that my children have been raised well). I long to go back to work, even it is on a part time basic, hopefully to gain back some self worth.

  2. What you write is true. Only Mothers can make their own decision and be happy about it. I always knew I could not be a SAHM. I have tried the FTWM, PTWM and SAHM. In the end, I decided that PTWM works best for me. There is no doubt that there is always that mother's guilt hanging around me, but I know it's because we mothers are always too hard on ourselves. My two girls are happy with me working part-time and I am very lucky to have both set of grandparents supporting and helping us to look after our two girls. Having a good manager and employer also helps (reason why I've been with them for 13+ years). I hope all mothers have choices and will make the right decisions for themselves and for their families too.

  3. Couldn't agree more, whichever path we have chosen, no regret if we were comfortable with it!

    Thanks for sharing!


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