Thursday, August 18, 2011

Single Father

Dad is a single father. Even though dad needs looking after now, he will always be our father. There are a lot of write-ups and articles about single mothers but single fathers are the silent unsung heroes. Life is tough as a single parent, mother or father.

When mum passed on and left dad as a single father, we were 10 (me), 14, 15, 17, and 18. What a handful! I never thought about how hard it was for my parents to discover that my mum had cancer. That difficulty is compounded by the fact that they were parents to a brood of five. I only realised how tough it must have been when I became a parent myself.

Within a year of discovering that she had end stage cancer, she passed on. We were living in Kuantan at the time and there was no highway then. During some weekends, dad had to take mum to hospital in KL. The journey was about 6 hours then if I am not wrong.

How hard it must have been for this single father to work and care for his wife at the same time while worrying about five kids but dad took it in his stride. He is a stoic man. He still is. We discovered just how stoic he is when he was in hospital last year for two months after a stroke and had colostomy surgery because he was bleeding heavily and could not pass motion.

Dad travelled up and down to KL to look after mum but towards the end, he took her home. Fortunately, we had a kind and gentle doctor living a few doors away from us who came to give mum pain killers intravenously until it was time for her to go.

Well, dad, you have made many mistakes in your life, some of them not small. You are not excused from those mistakes but I appreciate how hard your life must have been back then.

Dad, now in the sunset of your life, I wish that you will be free of pain and that you will be happy and have no worries, that you will be able to eat well and sleep well and you will be able to have more awakening moments where your old self will emerge through the fog.

You have done very well indeed as a single father, dad. You no longer have to worry about us. It is now our turn to worry about you.

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  1. My mum passed on when I was 17. My also passed on when I was 31. At least, you still have chance to be filial to your dad.

  2. Your dad is truly a fantastic dad for having single-handedly brought the 5 of you up. What a difficult life it must have been for your family.

  3. It is very touching to read what you've wrote about your father. He has done well indeed. Somehow, it reminds me again of my late father and how much I miss him. Spend more time with him now, MG. You will not regret it..:)

  4. Sheoh Yan,
    I am sorry to hear that. It must have been hard for you.

    It was ok, we had a lot of catered food and we moved around a bit, like nomads because of dad's job.

    I'll call him but he has very little to say now and sometimes when he sees me he can't remember me for a while.


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