Monday, August 08, 2011

Communicating effectively with your spouse

This year for my wedding anniversary, my spouse gave me a necklace. However, I am not a necklace person. I am a bracelet person. If you ask me to put down my jewellery preference order, it would be something like this…

  1. 1. Bracelet (especially charm bracelets!)
  2. 2. Rings (I prefer the dainty to the louder for modern or fashionable types)
  3. 3. Earrings (I like dangling. Earrings really bring out the wearer’s face and brightens it a little)
  4. 3. Necklaces (which are harder to match and sometimes clash with the wearer’s outfits)
I also really prefer precious gems and crystals to silver and gold. Silver is so cold and it reminds me of stainless steel. I prefer dainty over chunky and I don't like jade and pearls are just so so. Whoa! Such a lot of requirements!

14k Gold Filled Engraved Flower Bracelet, 7"

Not this gold bangle, dear!

I know this but he doesn’t and he has never asked me before so how will he know? So what do I do? Do I keep quiet about my preferences or do I voice them out? When and how should I voice it out? It seems so unkind to tell someone (who has taken the time and trouble to think about and buy and gift for you) that you really prefer something else?

14k Yellow Gold Plated Sterling Silver Oval Multi-Gemstone Bracelet, 7.5"

Ah.. this multigem bracelet is more like it!

There were other times in the past where he gave me bangles. However, I don’t like bangles, I prefer bracelets which are more flexible and pretty (in my eyes) and I love charm bracelets but I don’t think he even knows what a charm bracelet is!

Goldtone Swirl Design with Spike Statement Necklace and Earrings Set Fashion Jewelry
Not this Gold Necklace, dear.

Should I tell it directly? Indirectly? Hint? Pick the right time? Etc. It is all so hard for such a simple thing.
So the other day, I decided to go direct, after years of keeping quiet. I’m just exaggerating here but somehow the subject never came up.

SCER035 Sensational Clear AB Genuine Genuine Swarovski Crystals Sterling Silver Leverback 1.25" Long Dangle Earrings

This pair of crystal earrings will do nicely instead.

Anyway, the other day, the man was asking me why I wasn’t wearing his necklace. I said that I didn’t think it was appropriate or necessary because we were just going to the movies. Then I blurted out …..

“You know, after all these years, you still don’t know me well. You don’t know what jewellery I like or what food I like to eat”

Big Bling Ice Crystal Heart Fashion Ring - Adjustable Size - Includes Box

Well, the man didn’t get upset (well, maybe a little) but I think I’ve hurt his feelings a little. Hmm… I just don’t know how to do this. How do you tell someone you prefer something else after all the trouble and thought they have put into giving you something which they think is really nice and which they think they would like you to have?

10k Yellow Gold, November Birthstone, Citrine and Diamond Ring
Too bad, this lovely Citrine Birthstone Ring is for November, I'm born in June.

How do you communicate effectively with your spouse, even over such a simple manner. I am clueless. I am terribly bad at communcation and after being married for 10 years, I am still learning. Care to share with me some effective communication skills? How do you communicate effectively with your spouse?

A little bit of fun: Know your birthstone.
  1. January Birthstone is Garnet (Deep Red)
  2. February Birthstone is Amethyst (Purple)
  3. March Birthstone is Aquamarine (Pale Blue)
  4. April Birthstone is Diamond (Clear or White)
  5. May Birthstone is Emerald (Green)
  6. June Birthstone is Pearl (White)
  7. July Birthstone is Ruby (Red)
  8. August Birthstone is Peridot (Pale Green)
  9. September Birthstone is Sapphire (Deep Blue)
  10. October Birthstone is Opal (Pink)
  11. November Birthstone is Citrine (Yellow)
  12. December Birthstone is Turquoise (Blue)
Of all these, I love sapphire, emerald, ruby and opal best of all. Oh and not forgetting diamonds. Diamonds are supposed to be a girl's best friend afterall so you can never go wrong with diamonds. :)

Pin It


  1. Send me your husband's e-mail, I'll ask him to read this post of yours. I love your choices - things I would choose too. We have the same taste in jewellery, except I do like platinum/silver. I guess, you'll just have to tell him in his face what you like. Maybe sit down one day and talk about each other's likes and dislikes.

  2. The typical male is like hubby is also the same. After so many years, still like 'kayu', blur about what I really like etc...sometimes I envy those women who seem to get what they like without them having to hint or tell their guy in the face. We just have to tell them in the face but of course when we do that, the fun, surprise or 'romance' is lost right? Sigh...

  3. Hi, my man also like that. Lol. At least your man still remember to give u presents, mine won't even remember. So what I do now is, I will just being very direct to him, tell him what I want for my birthday (yeah have to "ask" for the pressie myself). Yes no more surprise or maybe not so romantic, but at least both of us are happy. I get what I want, he does not hv to worry buying something I don't like. :)

  4. mom2kiddos,
    Thanks for the offer. Its ok. My husband does not read my blogs but I do send him selective emails. haha.

    I wonder if there is such a man. *Scratch head*

    I ask too but sometimes if I ask too early, he forgets. lol.

  5. Once I went direct...many years ago. He bought me a flower on a valentine day (which was really expensive time to buy flower).

    I told him directly that the money (for the flowers) could already buy a tin of milk (that time my eldest was still a baby mar. That's it! That's the last time I receive a flower from him.

    Now, if i see something i like (which is seldom), i'll let hint him by talking about it over and over again...hahaha. Hope he got it!

  6. Beats me! Every year I wait with bated breath not because I'm excited but more of anxious for the gift he is going to give me. Afraid I might not like his taste. LOL. Coz sometimes if I hint he might not follow my hint too! Btw, we have nearly the same preferences too! But same like Germaine, I like silver or platinum too. And yeah you can never go wrong with diamonds.:D

  7. Annie,
    Today, I took out one of those Isetan brochures and circled all the clothes, jewellery, shoes and bags I like for "discussion" when I have the time just so he will know my taste. Hahaha.

    Wuah, you wait with bated breath ah. I don't wait at all because we have a "covenant" not to get each other anything. We only get the children gifts but not ourselves so I have learned not to expect anything. To expect too much only leaves room for disappointment. Not to expect anything leaves room for a bonus surprise. Lol. I don't mind platinum if it is with diamonds but just silver on its own, I don't really like. Anyway, I don't have very much jewellery at all because I am afraid to wear them. Just don't feel safe these days.


Related Posts Plugin for WordPress, Blogger...