Monday, March 31, 2008

A mother's warm embrace

Some of you may know that my mother died of cancer when I was 10. So the main ingredient that has been missing from my life is to be comforted by a mother's warm embrace and love. Its not just the cuddles but its the love and care of a mother that is missing from my life. That is such a large piece of life to miss out on.

I moved around a lot when I was in my teens and early adulthood due to my father's job. When I was 16 I stayed for a year with a caring aunt. It was then that I felt how it would be like to have a mother's love. I remember in the middle of one night I had a really bad tummy ache and my aunt gave me some chinese medicine powder to consume. She also stayed up to rub my tummy with medicated oil. What a relief it was and how wonderful it felt to have someone to care for me. A couple of times she also made some herbal soups for my period pain. Again, it was nice to have someone do that for me.

Yes, that is something that I miss out on. A mother's warm embrace and love. And this is something that I must remember to give to my kids. I know discipline is important so we must not spoil them. On the other hand sometimes we are tired and frustrated and we must remember not to take it out on the kids.

I remember many nights when my girl peed or vomitted on the bed, instead of giving her a mother's warm embrace, I gave her a scolding instead. Poor girl. Its not her fault. She would stand there looking lost and sleepy while struggling to change into a set of cleaner clothes which I handed over to her while trying not to step on the vomit less I give her my angry stare.

Last night when the girl vomitted all over my newly changed duvet covers and carpet, I remembered this thought, so although I was sick, tired and frustrated, I remembered to give her lots of cuddles, stroke her hair and told her "its ok, mummy will clean up all the mess in the morning, you just go back to sleep." And she smiled at me sleepily and went back to sleep. I went to sleep happy too. I must remember to do this more often.

Next time, perhaps I should go another step further and remember to give my girl a hug and help her clean up first before I tackle the cleaning up of the floor and bed. Her face was full of vomit and all I did was wipe it with tissue and asked her to wash it herself and change her clothes herself while I cleaned the floor with a sour look on my face. Perhaps I should have helped her first. She looked so sleepy and upset. Her daddy was scolding her for wetting her clothes when she was washing up and for walking on the vomit. He must have been tired too because he normally gives hugs first before scoldings. I cleaned up the floor and bed first because I didn't want the mess to get worse but sometimes we forget that people are more important than the floor or bed!

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  1. Hey MG, I also do a lousy job too. You know sick kids get extremely whingy at night and I have very little patient for that. Only during mindful time, I will be nice to them. Must remind myself to be more mindful when face with this situation

    I look back into my childhood, my mum has never once lost her cool on us. She has to wake up early to prepare to go for work and yet , during those rough nights, we always get her tender loving care.

  2. how true... people are more important that the floor or bed! At times when my little one vomits on the bed... I will be thinking about the bed more than least for a few seconds.... take it easy mummy. At least you get a chance to show motherly love to your little ones....

  3. elaine,
    How wonderful you mum sounds.

    a gift from god,
    I do that all the time. Instead of rushing in to comfort the girl, I would rush to clean the mess on the floor or bed. Seems like I've got my priorities all wrong. Haha.

  4. Great reminder. I too need to practice this more. My policy though is reversed. Scold first then give lots of love AFTER. Hahahah.

  5. i also have some anger management issues need to handle. yup, you're right, the person is more important than the bed. need to really remember that

  6. This post bring tears into my eyes... Ya.. why har? Why the bed, carpets, clothes are more important than our kids? HMM.. must really get our fact right.


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