Wednesday, July 25, 2007

Raising an Emotionally Healthy Child

My boy and girl are really emotional little ones. And its a big burden (no burden is not the correct word), its a big task to me to make sure that they grow up emotionally healthy. At the moment, I see them turning to me to fulfill their emotional needs. This is sometimes quite scary to me as a mother. Scary in the sense, that I am afraid that if I don't guide them in the right direction, they will not grow up emotionally healthy BECAUSE OF ME!!!

I feel like such a lousy mum, most of the time. I'm really impatient. I shout and scream. Sometimes I turn them away when they come to me because I just don't have the time or the truth is I feel quite fed up after dealing with one whole day of pestering so I have become quite immune to their emotional needs! Another thing, most of the time, I don't LISTEN to them. I just say "Yes, Yes" just to get them off my backs and of course they realise it so they pester me even more!

I don't show them the correct way to handle their emotions often enough. Being a rather emotional person myself, I have to first learn how to handle my emotions before I can teach my kids how to. Controlling my emotions is really hard. I sometimes shudder when I see my little girl shout in the exact same manner as I do instead of asking nicely. I know she picked it up from me! Most of the time I don't ask them to do things nicely. I shout at them!

And then yesterday, I received an article about "Your Child's Emotional Well-Being" from Today's (I subscribe to their email newsletter and am really pleased by the articles they send me which are customised according to my child's age). The one paragraph that really spoke to me was this one which I shall reproduce below:

"Yes. Children aren't mind readers. I meet parents who say, "They know I love them to bits..." when their behaviour makes me wonder if the kids do know, and what makes the parent think they know, and when he last told them. And what the child thought his words meant. Children need to know that parents take pleasure in them. So when did this parent, who's so sure his kid knows he loves him, last ask for more company from the child than the child wanted from him? When did he last ask the child if he had time for a game? When did he last ask for a hug? All too often it's the other way round, so kids feel that they always want more of mom or dad than is willingly offered."

So when was the last time you last ask for more company from your child than they did from you?

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  1. I am currently facing my daughter's emotional problem too. I feel so tired and difficult to deal with her sometimes. Yes, they learn from us. SOmetimes I hate myself why I didn't behave nicely

  2. Hello Irene,
    Like you, I fee really guilty sometimes for behaving the way I do. What a bad example I am setting for my kids!

  3. Many mothers react the same way to their own kids. It's quite normal. I guess kids tend to pester moms more than dads. It's a privilege only for mothers. ;)

  4. Hiya Adrian,
    I'm not overeacting am I? Lol!


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