I was going to write about this topic later but then someone emailed me and I need help to help her.
I am feeling very insecure whenever DH is not here with me (when he goes to work). When he is back, I'll be so happy and I feel less stress taking care of DS.
I am just wondering how did you cope with your bb when you first have them. I am half heartedly to send him to babysitter until he is 4 mths old and I'll take him back. But, I know DH sure object. This is not what we want.... Feel that I am struggling everyday...
I think my perfectionism has caused me all these problem. I have high expectation on myself and never thought that the actual situation is so much different from what I have expected. I wanted a natural delivery but end up a C-section. I wanted b/f but end up wounded both of my nipples. I thought I can up and be normal after delivery but my wound hurts so much that makes me so immobile.
I thought bb just eat and sleep but never thot he can cry for no reason. All these has make my life so up side down and I can't seems to cope with it. I feel so tired and stressed whenever i hear him crying.Whenever I saw the b/f advert or knowing someone can b/f exclusively makes me feel so heartache that I can't do this with my bb. Plus the post natal blues... dirty kitchen, messy bedroom and living hall... I just hate the whole situation..
But I am trying to cope with it. I know this is just short term and I will somehow get through it. I just need my wound to be healaed completely, so that I can run and jump like normal person. How long does it takes the wound to heal completely? Don't you feel immobile when you need to take care of your child and at the same time, afraid you will hurt yourself?
My milk supply has dropped a lot. Main reason is I did not pump that frequent due to my post natal blues. I just feel so blue and depressed. Every morning I was so reluctant to wake up from my sleep and I continue to sleep till 12pm. My sis was telling me that I am avoiding the reality. I dunno but I am slowly trying to take over the caring of the DS from the C/L. I started bathing him today, taking him totally few hrs without C/L help. Usually after taking care of him, I'll be so exhausted, then I will just take a nap. I wanted to start b/f him again but really dunno how...
Mothers out there in blogosphere, does this sound like you when your baby was a newborn? If it does, I hope that you will leave a comment to share your experience with this mother. It'll help her feel her better to know that she is not alone. I will email her your comments. Thank you.
I remember during the early days I felt like that too. I felt overwhelmed. I felt fatiqued, exhausted and miserable for being unable to breastfeed well. My baby cried ALL THE TIME and her weight kept on dropping. I cried along with her. I felt so stressed up! Sometimes I even "scolded" the baby for crying. "Oh! Will you please stop crying so that mummy can get some rest!" handling baby just a little too roughly. (To the mother concerned, please remember that when you are alone with baby and you can't handle the endless crying, leave baby alone safely in the cot until you gather your composure. Never ever shake a baby as it can cause injury to the baby/Shaken Baby Syndrome.)
To read more Post Natal Blues experiences, go to these blogs:
Tracy's Nest
Clumsy Wife, Careless Mum
Double Happiness Pin It
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err... from what I have read... I strongly recommend professional help before her depression gets worse because I get the feeling that her DH is not helping much in being there to support her emotionally (no offence to him)... good luck to her!
ReplyDeleteu know what.. it's happen to me when I have my 1st child.. I feel very miserable for the first 2 weeks...I have a normal delivery only that taking care of the bb makes me so depressed.. cos I didn't how to handle the bb.. But I keep telling myself.. if others can do I can do it also. It's all about attitude. Keep on trying... relax.. don't put too much high expection.. just what I did. I have very high expection to myself, but hey.. u need to lower down your expectation. There are reasons why bb is crying (colic, need comfort etc) I remember when my 1st bb start crying for no reason, I start panicking.. but I learn to relax be focus and have a positive attitude.. Pray that this mother can go through it..
ReplyDeleteBeing a mom for the 1st time is definitely overwhelming to everyone. Her "perfectionist" character combined with post natal blues contributes to the misery as nothing seems to turn out right. I had a C-sect twice and based on my experience, the 1st time felt worse as I was not prepared for the pain & wound. I believed most of us would have read and re-read more on natural birth as preparation rather than C-sect ops. It's quite common for the house to be in chaos once a baby arrives for the 1st time. I remembered the evening I brought my son back, he started crying non-stop and I was adamant that hubby & I should handle him ourselves. In the end, my in law came & helped. It was one of the best decision hubby had ever made.
ReplyDeleteIt's important to have plenty of rest to recover faster. That does not mean you have to neglect your baby since bf is one way of bonding too. It'll be good to get your hubby's support to boost your confidence as well.
Err...worst comes to worst, maybe can get a bbsitter for half day instead of full day. I'm no expert, just giving my 2 cents and I could write on & on but must give chance to others :)Lastly, I would also recommend MMB to her.
sound very much like me!
ReplyDeleteFrankly, support from family member is very important! I am lucky to have my DH (very involved) and PIL, SIL to help me during bb arrival. Same as Immomsdaugher, me having c-sect too, totally not well prepared for the pain and wound. But dont worry too much, thing will getting better after 3-4 mth or even earlier, further she still hv CL to help out!
I had a prematured bb thru C-section. I truly understd how you feel. I'm going through this feeling at the moment even though bb has came home 6 weeks ago. I too was unable to bf bb because my bb has nipple confusion. She was given EBM through a bottle and when she came home, she just unable to suck from my nipple. She cries at the time and the stress level is so high until one day I realise my BM was no longer milk but just water. I tried everything I read in the internet about increasing BM supply and bot all the expensive supplement but ended up nothing. I only managed to pump 2 oz a day!!!!! Finally I gave up. I'll be back to work next week and really dont know if I can bring myself out of the house.
ReplyDeleteAlthough I had a natural birth and read up a lot on how to take care of a baby, the real task of taking care of a baby is difficult. I trully undertstand your position and I know how hard it is. My baby too was crying non stop everyday and night untill everyone (I stay witl my in-laws)in my house got so stressed up. I got very tense and stressed and prayed my hubby will be home as soon as possible. My MIL also kept telling me that i do not have enough milk to feed my baby and thats why my baby was crying all day long. At night, I cried many hours on why my baby is so difficult and why can't I be a better mother. All these happen for few months and it sure was a struggle to me. So, please hang in there and try to relax. Babies can pick up mother's emotion, so if you are tense, they can sense it too. Take control of your emotions and think positively. All mothers will go through this phase. Do talk to your hubby and other close relatives. Heal your nipple and take good rest. If you need someone to talk too, you can talk to me. MG can help to get you in contact with me, ok?
ReplyDeleteTalk to people will definately help, and mos important is the spouse, the spouse play a big role of helping wife cope depression, otherwise I agree what Egghed said, get profssional help.
ReplyDeleteI had a friend who gone through this, her hubby desn't help much, what she did was, see a professional, talk to him, called me very frequent to talk, get support. she just do what she need to do (not that she wanted to) to lower down her expectation on the family help and pay more attention to the baby.
later after she came out from the blue, she said she feel depress was because she feel nobody can help her (no family member, and in-law not helpful), not even her spouse. that was the main reason caused her blue. so later she just pretend she is all alone and don't hope others can help, eventually she feel better.
high expectation = high disappointment.
the cure -- stop hoping others will help, imagine you are all alone, then we will help ourself.
we often thought because being alone that cause depression, but the truth was because we wanted not to be alone but in the end we are alone, that's hurt.
I managed to talk my friend out from her blue, mainly because I was in her shoe :).
My opinion might not same with others, but at least this how me and my friend felt.
Thank you all you moms and a dad for sharing your experience and views so generously. I'm no expert but I feel that professional help is not needed at this stage but it will be required if say the depression does not go away after many months and starts affecting her relationships. All of us mums do go through this at the beggining of our mothering journey and having to seek professional help at the moment ie looking for the right doctor down to setting up appointments etc will merely add on to the burden at this time. She has told me that she has got a supportive spouse so thats good as its very important like you all said.
ReplyDeletecowiepig,
Are you Malaysian? If you are, I would like to point you to MMB for some additional support from other working mums who are breastfeeding. Here's the link anyway.MyMomsBest
By the way, I have given her this url so you can "talk" to her directly in your comments. Thank you.
ReplyDeleteThat reminds me of my first confinement when I was so die hard to bf my baby, I decided not to have CL. So, I was struggling how to take care of my baby and really didn't understand why he didn't want to sleep like normal newborns. I was tired as I pushed myself really hard to bf and trying to take good care of him 24/7. But luckily, I could still think positively and didn't go insane! Please talk about this to people you can trust. Don't just keep it to yourself, talking it out loud. It's ok to let baby cry safely sometimes when you need a break. Try to remember that we're trying to be a mother, and it's not a competition to be the best.
ReplyDeletemumsgather,
ReplyDeleteI'm a Msian but reside in Spore. I read through MMB's website and tried everything. My galfren even made a trip down to SG to help me and relief my stress level but the moment she left, my EMB is down to nothing. I have given up on BM and feeding my bb formula, but since she's a prematured bb, she has difficulty digesting formula which really break my heart.
cowiepig,
ReplyDeleteMany mums have been able to relactate even after "milk dries up" if thats the way you want to go. Its not too late. You mentioned that your milk "turned to water". Thats probably the foremilk which is thinner contains more nutrients and comes out at the beggining of a feed. If you keep pumping or directfeed the hindmilk will come out ie the creamier more fattening part which looks more like milk as we know it. Although I am a breastfeeding advocate, I don't like to push anyone too hard into breastfeeding. The last thing any mother should feel is guilt, regret or a failure for not being able to breastfeed. As long as you concentrate on loving and nurturing your baby, I am sure your baby will thrive whether from breastmilk or formula. :)