Monday, June 27, 2011

Chivalry towards your spouse

I read with wry amusement this article in the Star "The knight in rusty armour". I was especially amused by this part......

"Instead of opening the car door for her upon arrival at their destination, the husband closes his own door and walks off. When once they used to walk hand in hand at the shopping mall, the man now strides two or three paces ahead while the woman has to play catch up. Although, to his credit, he does turn back once in a while to ask, “Can’t you walk faster?” Gone are the days when he would window-shop with her. His newspaper is his friend while he sits on the bench and gruffly tells his wife: “Go ahead, let me finish this article...”

How true, how very true. For me, the part about playing catch up is, well, it could have been me who wrote that part. Adding to this, I have been making something for my spouse which I knows he likes. Has he said "Thank you"? I don't recall. In fact, when I tried to show one of it to him excitedly, recently (I may have picked the wrong time), he said "Oh, please, puleez!" Yeah. Yeah. I know he was on the internet trying to do some important reading about his health and ways to improve it and my timing was bad to try to show him this something on the computer at that time but .......

Hmmm.... that article may be amusing but it is not very funny, really! Its not true what they show you in the movies and storybooks. You DON'T ride off into the sunset with your knight in shining armor. The armor's are prone to rust and it will get dusty once it is tossed aside and no longer used.

No one is expected to have doors open for them, not when you have a bunch of groceries and a group of noisy kids to watch over but guys, I do advise you to take out your old armor and give it a little polish before it totally disintegrates into dust. Oh and the advise works both ways. You too ladies. Remember what makes you a lady in the first place. No looking like the maid, loud burps, yelling voices etc. ;)

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  1. Hello MG,

    "Chivalry" in essence is being sincerely polite, honest, fair and kind towards each other -be it between spouses (who supposedly are “best friends” but not possible in practice for most cases, I believe unless they started off as such) or friends or even strangers.

    I believe these days, such a chivalrous attitude is "lacking" in our so-called "civilized society". This is mainly due to "poor or lack of proper upbringing” especially at home by parents/family or worse still by parents/family, who expect their maids to play this crucial role and “negative examples” set by adults in general publicly or privately.

    Looking at all the negative news in the media committed by adults and you can see how “bad” the situation has become. It will take conscious efforts by all to change for the better and starting at the home front.

    Although I still consciously practise this courteous habit as often as I can daily, I find that many do not "appreciate" such actions even with family and friends - hence one reason for its demise among people in general. Like you said, it "needs to be polished regularly".

    Being chivalrous is something that we should all strive for to better our civilized society.

    Actually, I think it is sometimes easier to practise between a few real and good friends.

    I read many articles regarding relationships and they always mention that your best friend should be your spouse. However, I find that this is not always possible as many a time one cannot share all that is in one's mind as certain things may be “uncomfortable” to share.

    Therefore, I find that having a good friend can help a lot, although it is will take a lot of effort especially to be a good friend with the opposite gender, when both are married but it is still a possibility and depends on each individual’s maturity. Being a male, I always find it “almost impossible” to share deeply with another male but easier to share with a female be it family or a good friend.

    Good friendship can be defined as “knowing the heart of another and sharing one’s heart with another. We share our hearts with those we trust and trust those who care about us. We confide in our good friends because we have confidence that they will use the information to help us, not harm us. They in turn confide in us for the same reason”.

    Just my thoughts although a bit off topic with regards to your post ;P.

  2. Hello Greg, Chivalry if defined loosely means courtesy but more detailed includes gallantry. :)

    I find that my spouse is a very courteous fellow and he can be quite gallant too, when he remembers it.

    He is also my good friend. I don't know about platonic friendships between men and women especially when one or both of the parties are married. It is a touchy subject. I suppose if my spouse had such a friend (which he has actually), I wouldn't mind, but I would mind it if he shares more with her though. I would probably turn as green as the hulk himself!


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