Thursday, May 26, 2011

Romance is dead....

Romance is dead (well even if not dead, it is sickly) after 10 years of marriage. I don't cook anything special he likes for him on any special day except maybe Chinese New Year. Hey! I cook everyday don't I? So what can be so special about cooking for him? It is just like any other day now. Worse still, I don't have time to cook now! I have a helper who helps me. Yes, I am at fault too for the death of romance.

Not terribly romantic to begin with, his favourite phrase is "she knew what he was like before she married him, so why is she complaining now?" Ok. I get the hint dear. I no longer have any expectations for without expectations there won't be any disappointments and anything above that is a bonus. Yes, my threshold for romance has been lowered to the floor.

I used to like to write for him or to him but he deletes my writings so I have lost my urge to do so. No, I Love Yous either. Only 3 little words but so hard to say. I've also lost the urge to say so now for a long time because it is like a one way street when you don't get a "I Love You too!" in return.

Even holding hands feel strange now, strangely distant. Oh and too many hurtful things have been said over the  years like "Why did you marry me when...." "Why don't we just get a divorce then" or most lately "I feel sorry for us. We are so different." The I feel sorry for us part sounds sadly as though we are merely stuck together. Do you not realise that these words hurt very much?

Oh well, romance is dead but the marriage is still alive. The laughter is still there, that is the most important. We still laugh and we do talk about other things other than the kids. Be careful if you don't talk about anything else anymore, other than about the kids. Then not only romance but the marriage will be dead too. Fortunately, only romance is dead in this household.

So, what grand plans do we have for our 10th wedding anniversary? Well, the man has taken leave from work (wow! so romantic) but wait a minute, it is also the last day of school. :) So we'll probably go pick the kids up together, surprise them with some fast food lunch and take them for a movie. We're wondering whether to bring the maid along..... Romance? What's that?

And in the evening he'll go play badminton with his mates and I will go to bed early with the kids. And he says he wants to buy me a new fridge as a present, belatedly, so that I'll find more space to put in all those fruits and vegetables that he wants me to juice for him. And what have I got for him? Why, nothing, as usual....Yes, romance is dead.....

Oh don't mind me. I'm just ranting. Most of the time, I feel happily married even though I may rant at times but sometimes I have the strange suspicions that he does not feel that way especially when he says "You claim that you are happy but how can you be happy when you are complaining all the time. Am I complaining all the time? I don't think so. This is the first mildly negative post I have written in all my 7 years of posting. Hurtful words. "I'm sorry for us...." I can't get that out of my head. :(

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  1. hey MG.. we all have certain words that hurt us more than others. I've actually discussed that with my husband once after a quarrel. When we made up, we decided never to u se "......" ever again. Anyway, Happy Anniversary! I think you should just leave your maid and children in some in law's house, book a hotel room in KL somewhere and just go resppark that romance. :) (hugs)

  2. I'm sorry to hear that about your relationship with your hubby. Romance is slowly dying in my relationship because of the kids - sad to say. But, I feel you should talk to him and tell him about how hurtful those words were. Talking always helps. Sometimes we talk until we cry but after doing that, life seems better. Have a Happy 10th Anniversary celebration with the family!

  3. Men..sometimes their choice of words are really terrible. Maybe like what Martha has mentioned, you might want to have a talk with him. You really need time away from the kids and the maid. Follow Martha's suggestion and don't forget to get him a gift..:) Happy Anniversary to you!

  4. Hey MG, I can so, so related/identify with your rant...and it's gonna be 10 years for me too come November. Sigh, it's sad that romance is dead and most of the time it's becos life has changed after the kids appear...takes hard work to bring back the romance but let's not give up hope that things will be better, and that what we go through teaches us something.

  5. martha,
    That takes rather a lot of effort. We don't have parents-in-laws. Just my dad, who has dementia. As for bros and sis, everyone is busy with their own lives, so it is a lot easier said than done. Romance takes effort! Haha.

    I was in a negative frame of mind when I wrote this, so things sound much worse than they actually are. Gulp! That reminds me not to shoot off my words when I am angry, not to hubby or on the blog!

    Not only men. Women too. I also use the most terrible choice of words a lot of times. As for a gift, being a SAHM who is not much away from hubby, what do I get him? Besides I gave up my financial freedom when I stayed at home so I don't have money!!! Haha. The only things I get for him are online, with my paypal $$$. Thank you blog! :)

    ....takes hard word to bring back the romance....

    "Kapow!" You have hit the nail on its head!


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