Tuesday, September 21, 2010


I am happy that my effort to give more hugs to my little girl has turned around my downhill relationship with her. It also helped that we were both more relaxed during the school holidays.

I realised that my relationship with my girl had been going downhill. Somehow, we just seem to keep on rubbing each other the wrong way. She was rude to me. I shouted at her. We both felt exasperated with each other. We were on a vicious downward spiral.

I was dismayed. I wanted us to have a good mother daughter relationship that will last for years. I knew I had to do something. As usual, doing something means starting with myself. (I believe that as we evolve as a parent, we also evolve as a person and hopefully become better persons overall.) I have tried many times in the pass to change myself, to be more patient with her but I always ended up shouting and she remained rude. We could not break the cycle. However, it was the hugs that did it.

Make love, not war. Give hugs, not shouts. Haha. Right. The second part was made up by me but it worked. She started to give hugs in return and her behaviour changed for the better. I hope we can keep it up.

I also resolve that no matter how rushed her day or mine is, I will do my best to make sure that she is not too pressured by it. In order to this, I have to constantly remind myself that she is still very much a little girl. A little girl who loves to do crafts, sing, read, play, skip and just be happy.

Just the other day, I received this little note from her. On the cover was "For mummy to see. Feeling now: Sad. :( (With a little sad smiley). Now open the letter."

In it she wrote together with the spelling mistakes and all: "Mummy, today I am sad because I don't do homework, just play! just sortbooks, and noting else. I just did that! but, I did colour my dragon and, my playing is colouring your dragon! but at lease lease lease lease lease lease lease lease lease I coloured MY dragon too. but noting else. I haven't pack bag, and practise "ting seah" and haven't let you sign my ting seah. So, today, I give up. I "tui bu" very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very much! So, I have to do homework at night. not like these few days so good. (Heart shape and a sad looking cartoon face).

See how pressured she is? I wrote back. "For sweetie pie to see. Feeling now. Happy! :) Now, open the letter."

"Sweetie pie, Today I am happy! You did homework in school and even copied extra words in your exercise book and teacher praised you too! You are very hardworking, that is why you only have "ting seah" left to practise. It is okay, you can practise on Saturday or Sunday. You have packed your bag! :) That is very very "jin bu" (show improvement). Last time you always leave packing bag to at night. You did your dragon homework too. Although  you played a bit, we can study hard on Saturday and Sunday so we still have time ok? These few days you have been very, very, very good indeed. Keep it up! Don't give up! P.S. I signed your "ting seah" already. (Cartoon of happy mummy and three hearts)

Ever since then till now, she has kept on being good. She packs her school bags in a jiffy in an organised manner (in the way that I had shown her while shouting!). She no longer takes half a day to do it.

Now, that she has turned around, I have a new problem. It is my boy. The sweet little angel has started to behave in a pestering manner. All day it is "Mummy, I accidentally touched this, dropped that, scratched this,..... etc etc etc." every hour of every day.

I guess now that she is over that phase, she has passed the baton to her little brother. Help! Motherhood sure is challenging!

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  1. this is called motherhood.. not everyone can experience this kind of challenges! :)

  2. Gosh, this sounds so much like my relationship with my #2. It has come to a point that I can't stand her! She shouts at me and is super whiny & disobedient. I shout at her in exasperation. Our r'ship is really going downhill too. Hmmmm, perhaps I shd hug her more! And hopefully she won't pass the monstruous baton to her little sister!


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