Thursday, March 12, 2009

How to give a Gift of Confidence to your children?

What is the best gift you can give to a child? Why Confidence and Self Esteem of course. It will certainly help them in later life. Sometimes even more than ABCs, education and academics will. I have seen many who are really good but because they are not confident, they have been passed on by those lesser ones who are not that good but look so good because they can really talk and are ever so confident.

I would really like to give this gift of confidence to my children but I don't know how. Yesterday I saw my girl's class teacher and again she commented that my girl has no confidence. She can't even stand straight up when talking, the teacher said but then she didn't offer any other suggestions on how we can work together to help her etc. When I tried to ask her more, she didn't have anything further to say.

I am just so not used to these kind of teachers. Previously in the kindergarten, the teachers were very approachable and it was easy to discuss about the kids and their progress with them but I guess in a kindergarten, this is business whereas in a public school, the teachers don't welcome these kinds of discussions. It merely means more work to them for the same pay. So less talk is better for them. Sigh.

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  1. when approaching the subject with her, do not ask her if she has no confidence or why she has no confidence. refrain from using the word confidence in front of her at all.

    instead, try asking her what she likes to do in school. n when she does it good, compliment her. actually, try complimenting her in any task she has achieved, however small it will build up her confidence.. n once she is used to telling u about her school, then ask her if there is anything she dislike about it.. maybe she will tell u..

    u cant tell her to be confident. it has to be built into her self esteem.. slowly.. ;)

  2. slowly ask her to act out her fav characters at home? have some self acting drama class at home, i think it would be fun :)

  3. Merryn,
    No, I don't mention that conversation wtih teacher to her. It will make her even more self concious! She tells me that she does not like school because of the long hours and the fierce teachers. You know the funny thing is, she managed to be MC at her kindy concert in front of an audience of 300 which includes mostly adult parents. However, in her daily interactions, she still appears very very shy, speaks in a very soft voice, shuffles her feet, is very self conscious and seem to need lots and lots of reassurance all the time.

    Yes, I can ask her to act as the big bad wolf and speak in a loud voice. :)

  4. You are your girl's best role model. Someone for her to copycat. She observes every bit of you. In many ways, your children are a reflection of your hub and you. Agree? So, be confident with yourself at all times. Your children are watching and learning from you all. U ARE BEING STALKED!!! Eeks...hahahaha

  5. If I myself had not been a very self conscious person I'd have suggested u that just let her be the way she is and comforted you that she will eventually grow out of it!!!

    but MG, i haven't outgrwon it yet! :( no matter how hard i have been improving my innerself!) i wonder if it's born naturally?!

  6. Serene,
    You mean you are stalking me ah. Ooohhh I am sked!

    I'm the same. You know when I was talking to the teacher and the teacher said "she can't even stand straight when she was talking", I realised then that my body language was the same and I was speaking rather softly too. Haha. The teacher must have thought, "Aha... I see where that came from!" Hahaha.

  7. Hi!

    Your blog is very interesting and realistic. I really enjoy reading your posts!

    Here is what I have to say about building self-confidence:

    I believe that building self-confidence/self-esteem involves taking risks.

    Maybe, her teacher/you could encourage her to participate actively in class.

    Get the teacher to appoint her as team leader for small group projects.

    When she takes the initiative to "come out of her shell", praise and commend her.

    I believe that she will slowly but gradually develop a high level of self-confidence.

    Have a great day and I look forward to reading more about your blog!

  8. anon,
    Thanks for reading my blog. I don't update this blog much. Usually I write more on my other blogs. :)

    Thank you for your suggestions. I'm afraid the teacher isn't the kind to work together with us to help her. :( So, we'll do our best to encourage her at home and give her opportunites to "come out of her shell" whenever we can.

  9. i think this cannot happen in a day or too, takes time. And like Serene said, they follow how we act. Ah.. not saying u're not confident eh.. maybe she needs more mixing around. get more comfy then she will be confident.

  10. Try socializing with other children and adults. Start with people whom she is most comfortable with. Ask her to tell a story or recite a poem, something that will be appreciated once she finishes. Let her do the same thing with newer audiences. Dont put her on the stage all of a sudden. Confidence will grow slowly. It will take time. The more exposure she gets, the more the sense of achievement, the more confident she will get...and yes, like Merryn said, never ever let your friends or her friends know that she is not confident...coz they will keep talking about it and never let her outgrow it.

  11. Sasha,
    Ya lor, hope she outgrows this phase too.

    Thank you so much for sharing your tips. I will certainly try them. :)


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