Talking To Your Child About The Birds And The Bees

If you don't know when or how to talk to your child about the birds and the bees, then check out these books and tips on talking to your children about sex.

How are babies made mum?

I have called this post Talking to Your Child About The Birds and The Bees but it really should be about talking about sex and how babies are made. However, some parents find it embarrassing or difficult to talk about this subject with their kids. To me, there is nothing embarrassing at all, though the children's curious questions may sometimes be hard to answer or put into words.

If you find it hard to find the words to describe to your child, other than using birds and bees, perhaps some story books about this subject may help. This post will highlight some useful articles and books you can use to help you talk to your child about the birds and the bees and how babies are made.

If you are not good with words, there are many books about the birds and the bees to help you out

Talking to Your Kids About Sex:
turning "the talk" into a conversation for life
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Before You Start Talking to Your Kids About Sex

Before you start talking to your kids about sex, arm yourself with knowledge, read up.

There is never a time to talk about sex. It is an ongoing process. You have to open the door of communication and keep that doorway open for your children to come to you whenever they have any issues or anything they want to ask.

In order to do that, you should talk to your children early. You should also be open and honest whenever they have any questions and there is no need to be embarrassed. If you are embarrassed then so will your child.

Most of the books below all highlight the importance of having a conversation for life and not having a specific time or "right moment" to talk about sex with your kids. I totally agree with that.

When choosing books about birds and bees choose age appropriate and gender specific books

The Birds, the Bees, and the Berenstain Bears
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The Birds, the Bees, and the Berenstain Bears

I like this one very much. In fact I like the Berenstain Bear Books because it talks about a lot of subjects like school bullying, fear about public speaking, accepting and welcoming home the new baby etc in fun stories that will appeal to kids.

In this book The Birds, the Bees and the Berenstain Bears, sister learns about the birds and the bees...and sonograms with a little help from Mama and Dr Gert.

When To Talk To Your Child About How Babies Are Made? - When to have THE talk?

Conception, Pregnancy & Birth:
The Childbirth Bible for Today's Parents
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Conception, Pregnancy & Birth: The Childbirth Bible for Today's Parents

I find that the best time to talk to your child about the birds and the bees and how babies are made and other sensitive topics like menstruation and sex is the time when they are little. Don't wait till they are in their teens. It would be more awkward then. They would also have heard or learned from friends at school. Sometimes they learn the wrong facts and put two and two together to make five.

I first talked to my kids when they were both still preschoolers. It was in response to something my daughter asked me. I took out my Conception, Pregnancy and Birth Book by Miriam Stoppard (which had served me very well for both my pregnancies) and talked to them about the birds and the bees and how babies are made.

I find the pictures within good enough for explaining to the kids about how babies grow in the womb from month to month without being too graphic for the kids.

It's So Amazing!:
A Book about Eggs, Sperm, 
Birth, Babies, and Families
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It's So Amazing!: A Book about Eggs, Sperm, Birth, Babies, and Families

Robie H. Harris is an author, specializing in books for children. She was born in Buffalo, New York, and currently lives in Boston, Massachusetts. She is particularly notable for being the author of several children's books about childbirth and human sexuality, including It's Perfectly Normal and It's so Amazing, two of the American Library Association's most-challenged books of the 21st century.

It's so Amazing answers these questions and more:

1. How does a baby begin?

2. What makes a baby male or female?

3. How is a baby born?

The book is fun with accurate, comic-book-style illustration and a clear, lively text to help young children understand how their bodies work.

If you are embarrassed, your child will be too.

Use normal language when talking to your child, not baby language

It is important to use normal language when talking to your child. Say Penis instead of wee wee thingy etc. In this manner, the kids won't feel embarrassed to mention it to you in later years. Use the terms in a matter of fact manner. If you are not shy (after all it is just the name of a body part) neither will the children and by starting the talk early, you will have opened up a valuable avenue for the children to come to you with any questions in later years without feeling embarrassed about it.

I love the WebMD Sexual Health Center. It has good articles that you can refer to for making the talk with your kids easier. As a matter of fact, there shouldn't be a specific time for "the talk". The talk can be anytime and is an ongoing open communication between you and the kids at any time whenever they have questions but YOU must make it possible for them to come to you. Open up to them, talk to them early and they will come to you instead of the internet or friends when they are in their teens.

What I love most about the WebMD website are the following slideshows from the site.

1. Conception Slideshow from Egg to Embryo

2. Fetal Development Month to Month Slideshow

These are great for explaining to kids about how babies are made.

There is no "right time" for talking about the birds and bees
What's the Big Secret?: Talking about Sex with Girls and Boys

Talking about the birds and the bees with older kids
Even if you have not had the talk with your young children about the birds and the bees, it's never too late to start. The ABC's of the Birds and Bees: For Parents of Toddlers to Teens may be a useful reference guide for teens.

What's the Big Secret?: Talking about Sex with Girls and Boys

What's the Big Secret?:
Talking about Sex with Girls and Boys
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How can you tell a boy from a girl? What are the proper terms for genitalia? How do you make a baby? Is sex a dirty word? Where do babies come from? What does being pregnant mean? How do you get a belly button? Tell me about when I was a baby...

Answers all these questions and more for the curious child. Meant for preschool to grade 3, the answers are given honestly but without being too detailed to cater to this younger set.

Teach your child to say No and the importance of respecting their own and other people's bodies

It is important to teach children to protect themselves from sexual abuse

While talking about the birds and the bees, sex and how babies are made, now is a good time and opportunity to teach children to protect themselves from sexual abuse. Teach them to say "No". Teach them to respect their own as well as other person's bodies.

If the children are very young, it is a good starting point to tell them that their private parts belong to them and them alone, just like their toys. Even very young kids understand this. Use the names for the body parts instead of using baby language even when talking to very young kids.

Tell them what kind of touch is appropriate and what is not and make it clear to them that they can always come to you about any questions that they have that is troubling them. Give them reassurance and security.

Here is a good publication from the OCFS the Office of Children and Family Services, New York. Say No! Protecting Children Against Sexual Abuse

You should also check out this article on How to talk to your children about sexual abuse

What's Happening to My Body?
Book for Boys: Revised Edition
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Boys need to learn about puberty and growing up too and should not be afraid to ask. Make it easy for them to ask by being open

Teaching boys about their changing bodies and feelings - for older kids aged 10 up

Sometimes you may want to talk to kids about gender specific issues for example, if you have a boy, getting a book that relates specifically to boy issues and their growing up bodies would be more relevant.

The "What's Happening to My Body?" Book for Boys gives sensitive straight talk on: the body's changing size and shape; diet and exercise; the growth spurt; the reproductive organs; body hair; voice changes; romantic and sexual feelings; and puberty in the opposite sex. It also includes information on steroid abuse, acne treatment, sexually transmitted diseases, AIDS, and birth control.

Girls may have specific issues like periods their changing shapes, what bras to choose etc

What's Happening to My Body?
Book for Girls: Revised Edition
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Talking to Girls about their bodies and growing up - Growing up guide for girls

For girls, there may be additional issues relating to puberty, menstruation, their changing shape and form, and many more issues just for girls only. So if you have a daughter, a girl specific book may be more relevant for you.

Everything preteen and teen girls need to know about their changing bodies and feelings The "What's Happening to My Body?" Book for Girls gives sensitive straight talk on: the body's changing size and shape; the growth spurt; breast development; the reproductive organs; the menstrual cycle; body hair; diet and exercise; romantic and sexual feelings; and puberty in the opposite sex. It also includes information on anorexia and bulimia, sexually transmitted diseases, AIDS, and birth control.

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