Is SAHM A Lonely Job?

Friends... we all need them

I've never really thought of being a SAHM as a lonely job before. After all, I feel perfectly content. I have my online friends, I am pretty active online with 5 blogs to maintain and a growing list of Squidoo lenses. I have written and published two books on my own. I am pretty busy.

The kids are gone in the morning and when they are home, the house is always a flurry of activity. When the spouse comes home in the evening, mummy is in greater demand than ever. Sometimes, I can't even hear myself as the three of them will be talking to me at the same time and demanding my attention all at once.

I didn't have time to be lonely, or so I thought. However, recently some events made me rethink this.

My domestic helper may be returning to her home country for good. Why, just the thought of this made me cry buckets. I cried till my eyes were all swollen. Why? My helper has been with us for 4 years. In that time, she has not only become a helper in my household chores, she has become a companion and a friend.

Just thinking of how lonely it would be not having someone to laugh with and talk to about the kids and other things makes me realize that sometimes being a SAHM can be quite a lonely job.

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Modern Designer Lighting

The one really interesting thing that could really change the look of your room is the lighting. I do like the modern lighting choices that are available these days. We are spoilt for choice when it comes to choosing all sorts of lighting for our homes including cool looking modern designer lighting.

If you can afford it, a chandelier will do wonders for your room. My brother in law who is in the home furnishing and design business advised me to fix a chandelier for my living room. I thought that my house was too small for a chandelier but he told me that there are many chandeliers in different sizes and for different budgets that I could go for. If only, I had listened to him. I fixed a ceiling fan instead. There are ceiling fans that come with lights attached to them but it just isn't the same thing.

Anyway, for my housewarming, he bought me two beautiful modern designer table lamps. They are perfect for my room. Making the right choice of lighting really lights up your room not just in terms of making it bright but in terms of making it look different and unique. The right kind of light can create the atmosphere of warmth or give your house the designer look instantly, so choose wisely.

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Worst Things You Can Say To Your Spouse

What are one of the worst things you can say to your spouse?

1. My girlfriend used to do this and that blah blah blah

What do you suppose the response to this will be?

Response: Well, why don't you go back to your ex then/ So, why did  you choose me then?

Have you ever been told that? I have. Years ago but I will NEVER forget it.

2. My mother used to to this and that blah blah blah. I wish you were more like my mother blah blah blah

What do you suppose the response will be?

Response: I am not your mother!

Will it help you become more like the mother or the person being compared to?

NO.

So, why do you suppose people say things like that?

FRUSTRATION

Yes, I think that is why.

Yesterday, I was told this (as I have been told many times before). You see, I had forgotten to stock up on fever and cough medicine. Now we are often worried that my girl will have a seizure whenever she has fever because her seizure threshold is low. Because her seizure threshold is low, she must get ample sleep too. However, being the absent minded and rather disorganized person that I am, I forgot to stock up on fever medicine. As a result the girl was coughing all night and did not get a good sleep because of her fever and cough. That resulted in her having disorientation and an incident (not a seizure, I hope but nevertheless a worrying incident) when she napped in the afternoon.

Now, being the most organized person that he is, my spouse was frustrated to be faced with this in addition to all the stress he is facing at work. So he said this...

"You really should do a checklist so that you never forget such things. That is what a mother should do. That is a mother's job. A mother is supposed to take care of her family's food. My mother used to wash and clean our vegetables. Things like that really make us feel mothered."

He said a few other things but "You should do this and that is what a mother should be and that is a mother's job" was repeated.

To him, he may just be voicing out his frustration but to me, he is implying that I am a bad mother. Now, if I told him that, he would simply just say that I am being sensitive and I should not take it personally blah blah blah, then I would say something and he would say something and in no time we would be shouting at each other and the whole evening would become worse in addition to having a sick girl to handle.

So my hands balled up into little fists, I took a deep breath, muttered "OK" and left him mid sentence.

Perhaps I have finally grown up enough to know that sometimes it is better to swallow your pride in the name of peace. What is the lesson that I can learn from this?

The lesson is .... being compared with someone else hurts. Being compared with someone else will not serve any purpose. Being compared with someone else will not change things. It will only result in feelings of hurt and anger.

Therefore, from now on, I shall stop comparing my children with one another. I shall stop saying this in frustration. "Why can't you be more like your brother?" or "You really should be more like your sister." 

Right, I have turned something negative into something positive and learned something from this.

As for my spouse, I have noted his frustration and I will try to improve myself in the areas that he has mentioned.

As for me? Well, I know I may not be the most organized person or I may not wash my vegetables and I know I am quite impatient most of the time. I know I am not the perfect mother but I know I spend a lot of time with the children playing with them, making crafts with them, telling them stories, reading to them, teaching them, helping them with homework and always making sure they have enough sleep and play even as they work. No, I am not your mother but I am not a bad mother. So there! Happy Mother's Day to me.

"Sometimes what is important is not having your say but learning quietly." - quote by Mumsgather MG.

"Believe in yourself even when someone else does not. That is the key to self image."  - another quote by Mumsgather.MG

"Even a cactus with thorns can be beautiful. It depends on what you choose to see. The thorns or the flowers." - yet another quote by Mumsgather.MG

My, my so many quotes from me today. Funny what inspires me to write, sometimes. 

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5 Things To Look For When Choosing A Nanny

In families where both parents are working, sometimes you have no choice but to hire a nanny; but just how do you hire a nanny? What are the things you should look for when choosing a nanny? Well, why not here it from an ex-nanny herself. Today's post 5 Things To Look For When Choosing A Nanny is from Heather Smith, an ex-nanny. Thank you Heather, for this post.

Hiring a nanny for your family is a big deal. A nanny is someone that becomes part of your family and helps your guide your children to a happy and healthy lifestyle. There are 5 important things you want to consider when you start the process of choosing a nanny:

Experience: Looking for a Nanny that has little experience could cause more damage than good to your family. Look for a nanny that has more than a few years’ experience and preferably with more than one family. Every family and child is different, so having more than one family on their resume is a good sign they have worked with families from different backgrounds. With that said if the nanny has worked a short period for multiple families, be sure that you ask her reasons for leaving to avoid hiring a bad nanny.

References: With the experience, come the references. A good nanny should willingly hand over a list of solid references for you to check out. The list should contain previous nanny employers, family, friends or educational references. Do call each one before hiring to get a feel on your nanny’s work ethic and background.

Patience: One of the most important traits you want your nanny to have is patience. The nanny is in charge of keeping your children and home in a positive and growing environment. As the parent, you understand that there can be really difficult days when working with your children and it can be easy to get frustrated. You want to find a nanny that has plenty of patience and knows how to react to a difficult situation.

Communication: It is vital that you and your nanny are able to communicate openly. It can be difficult for both you and the nanny to raise your children together. The nanny is there to aid and to practice your beliefs and ideas for your children. To be sure that you and the nanny are always on the same page, you need to be able to talk. A nanny that is overly sensitive will make it difficult when it comes to speaking up about techniques that you may or may not agree with. The same goes with saying you want to avoid hiring a stubborn and set in her ways nanny, an open mind and open heart is key to being a nanny.

Dependability: You want a nanny that is dependable on all fronts. Timing is everything in your family life; there are extracurricular activities and school lessons that your child is needs to attend. A nanny that shows up and shows up on time is very important for the function flow of your family. You want to feel one hundred percent confident and comfortable that your nanny will be someone you can rely on at all times.

This post was written by Heather Smith is an ex-nanny. Passionate about thought leadership and writing, Heather regularly contributes to various career, social media, public relations, branding, and parenting blogs/websites. She also provides value to become a nanny by giving advice on site design as well as the features and functionality to provide more and more value to nannies and families across the U.S. and Canada. She can be available at H.smith7295@gmail.com.

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