Romance is dead....

Romance is dead (well even if not dead, it is sickly) after 10 years of marriage. I don't cook anything special he likes for him on any special day except maybe Chinese New Year. Hey! I cook everyday don't I? So what can be so special about cooking for him? It is just like any other day now. Worse still, I don't have time to cook now! I have a helper who helps me. Yes, I am at fault too for the death of romance.

Not terribly romantic to begin with, his favourite phrase is "she knew what he was like before she married him, so why is she complaining now?" Ok. I get the hint dear. I no longer have any expectations for without expectations there won't be any disappointments and anything above that is a bonus. Yes, my threshold for romance has been lowered to the floor.

I used to like to write for him or to him but he deletes my writings so I have lost my urge to do so. No, I Love Yous either. Only 3 little words but so hard to say. I've also lost the urge to say so now for a long time because it is like a one way street when you don't get a "I Love You too!" in return.

Even holding hands feel strange now, strangely distant. Oh and too many hurtful things have been said over the  years like "Why did you marry me when...." "Why don't we just get a divorce then" or most lately "I feel sorry for us. We are so different." The I feel sorry for us part sounds sadly as though we are merely stuck together. Do you not realise that these words hurt very much?

Oh well, romance is dead but the marriage is still alive. The laughter is still there, that is the most important. We still laugh and we do talk about other things other than the kids. Be careful if you don't talk about anything else anymore, other than about the kids. Then not only romance but the marriage will be dead too. Fortunately, only romance is dead in this household.

So, what grand plans do we have for our 10th wedding anniversary? Well, the man has taken leave from work (wow! so romantic) but wait a minute, it is also the last day of school. :) So we'll probably go pick the kids up together, surprise them with some fast food lunch and take them for a movie. We're wondering whether to bring the maid along..... Romance? What's that?

And in the evening he'll go play badminton with his mates and I will go to bed early with the kids. And he says he wants to buy me a new fridge as a present, belatedly, so that I'll find more space to put in all those fruits and vegetables that he wants me to juice for him. And what have I got for him? Why, nothing, as usual....Yes, romance is dead.....

Oh don't mind me. I'm just ranting. Most of the time, I feel happily married even though I may rant at times but sometimes I have the strange suspicions that he does not feel that way especially when he says "You claim that you are happy but how can you be happy when you are complaining all the time. Am I complaining all the time? I don't think so. This is the first mildly negative post I have written in all my 7 years of posting. Hurtful words. "I'm sorry for us...." I can't get that out of my head. :(

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