I don't know how to get along with my 9 year old daughter

Each morning or each night before I go to sleep, I tell myself, tomorrow is another day/today is a new day. I shall try my best today but I fail miserably each day. :(

My daughter has many positive qualities. She is really a very good, honest and obedient girl and she is very hardworking and diligent. She is also very smart and inquisitive.

However, she is an insecure child. She is also a very anxious person and she is not very independant. She expects me to do everything for her. She makes me repeat my sentences over and over and over again because she is afraid that I did not hear her correctly. Not only that, I have to repeat the exact words she says. Not any other word but the exact words she used. If she asks me a question (which is often since she is an intelligent and inquisitive child) she will ask it over and over again until she gets the answer which she feels is satisfactory to her.

This makes me very tired and impatient. As a result, she has learned to become impatient and rude sounding like me when I am exasperated and frustrated with her behaviour. She is also very stubborn. Once, she stood in front of the door for 40 minutes because she said it was better than doing studies. She will not say sorry and will utter some things under her breath instead. She is also learning to be very rude which I cannot tolerate.

She is turning into a tween. However, not only that because I have had this problem with her for a few years now. She wants to do things her way but at the same time she wants to make sure that I check them for her because she is so unsure of herself. At school, she will run to me again and again to make sure she gets things right. When she is talking to me, she has to talk to me immediately right there and then even if I am busy with other things. She requires so much attention.

She also loves to dilly dally which drives me even more impatient thinking about all the things that need to be done with so little time.

I have tried talking to her nicely and explaining to her, I have tried scolding her. Nothing seems to work.

Sometimes I can't help comparing her with her 7 year old brother. He is so much easier to look after. He is independant, remorseful when he is wrong and he does not require so much attention. He is sweet natured and caring.

Everyday I feel so exasperated. I tell myself tomorrow I will handle this differently. I will be more patient. I will stop to listen to her. I will teach her to be independant. etc etc etc. but right from the moment she wakes up till bedtime, she drives me up the wall with her behaviour. Sigh.

However, I cannot give up even though it looks and feels so hopeless now. Everyday I feel so frustrated but then I am the mother she is the daughter. I am the adult, she is the child and she is an insecure and anxious child. I just feel helpless and I don't have the skills to handle her. I want to help her to become independant and confident but I am not doing a good job so far. I also want to teach her to be more patient and respectful to others.

I need to give this more thought and have more strategies on how to handle her. Now this problem looks too big to handle. I should probably list down each part one by one and handle them each in parts so it won't feel so overwhelming and impossible. Yes, I think that is what I will do.

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