What to do?

My girl has been complaining about "dreaming" again and seeing "green green" and headaches. Even the doctor has trouble diagnosing these symptoms. The neurologist can't decide whether they are the auras that come with epilepsy or perhaps they could even be simple partial seizures, or perhaps they are auras associated with migraine or it could even by pyschological. Sigh.

Whatever they are, they are worrying. And the question is What to do? Should the doctor increase her antiseizure medications? I'd hate to see it being increased. I cringe when I think about what all the medication she is taking is doing to her developing kidneys. I am reluctant to increase the dosage. But then is the current dosage doing its job to stop symptoms? Perhaps increasing it would stop all these symptoms. But what if these weren't symptoms but something else. What if we increased it unnecessarily? What then? What if the symptoms do not go away after the increase. What then? Increase some more?

My opinion is to wait until something happens before deciding whether to increase. But of course that is a very hard decision. Waiting for something to happens means waiting for another seizure. But when will it happen? What if it happens in school in front of all her friends. She is already having trouble making friends since she is somewhat shy. The children are still so young. They will not understand her condition and may shy away from being friends with her. I'd hate to see that and what it would do to her already somewhat low self esteem.

What if? What if? What if? I am going mad. And each night whenever she flips this way or that or lets out a loud breath or murmur which she tends to do since she has a perpetual blocked nose and often breathes through the mouth when she sleeps, I literally jump up from my sleep worrying, so afraid I'd see another seizure. I don't know what to do and I don't think the doctor knows either. These things are hard to decide upon even for the doctor because they are unclear, not clean cut crystal clear like if you have a pain you take panadol that kind of thing. What to do?

I am relieved that her exams are over. At least there is no stress for now. One less seizure trigger. So for now, I can concentrate on trying to make sure she gets enough rest and sleep. However, next year she will be in Standard 3 in a Chinese School and we all know that that equates to little sleep and more stress. Sigh. We will cross the bridge when we come to it.

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